6. Focus on breathing. Focused breathing may boost your pleasure. Studies have shown that you can use your breath to channel your sexual energy. Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure.
7. Know Yourself. This is a no-brainer, but something that many of us forget. Know what turns you on/off. Do you like seductive talking? Maybe wear sexy clothes? Do you prefer the lights on/off? Firm or soft body caressing? Does spontaneity turn you on? Figure out what it takes you “there”.
The Biggest Challenge…Is In Your Own Mind
The biggest challenge for my many of my clients is being comfortable with their own bodies. Oftentimes, people feel shameful about their size, shape, or way that their body moves and this prevents them from surrendering themselves sexually to their partners.
Healthy relationships involve talking about how you feel about your body as well as how it impacts your sexual experience.
Consider sharing with each other what you like sexually, what you think about sexually, and how you feel as a sexual being in order to develop a deeper sense of intimacy.
Finally, you and your partner should take time out to discuss sexual expectations (e.g., frequency, protection from unplanned pregnancy and STIs, positions, etc.) for yourself and your relationship. Remember that your best sexual organ is your brain and that the dirty four-letter word that most couples fail to address with regards to sex is…TALK.
By Dr. James Wadley, BDO Relationship Expert
Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He’s a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.