3. Use A Friction Position. A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt.
4. Be free to be you. Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.
5. Delay the pleasure. The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion. Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
6. Focus on breathing. Focused breathing may boost your pleasure. Studies have shown that you can use your breath to channel your sexual energy. Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger buildup, which can intensify pleasure.
7. Know Yourself. This is a no-brainer, but something that many of us forget. Know what turns you on/off. Do you like seductive talking? Maybe wear sexy clothes? Do you prefer the lights on/off? Firm or soft body caressing? Does spontaneity turn you on? Figure out what it takes you “there”.
The Biggest Challenge…Is In Your Own Mind
The biggest challenge for my many of my clients is being comfortable with their own bodies. Oftentimes, people feel shameful about their size, shape, or way that their body moves and this prevents them from surrendering themselves sexually to their partners.
Healthy relationships involve talking about how you feel about your body as well as how it impacts your sexual experience.
Consider sharing with each other what you like sexually, what you think about sexually, and how you feel as a sexual being in order to develop a deeper sense of intimacy.
Finally, you and your partner should take time out to discuss sexual expectations (e.g., frequency, protection from unplanned pregnancy and STIs, positions, etc.) for yourself and your relationship. Remember that your best sexual organ is your brain and that the dirty four-letter word that most couples fail to address with regards to sex is…TALK.
Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He’s a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.