(BlackDoctor.org) — Happiness can be a strange thing: The more you try to achieve it, the more it seems to slip through your fingers. “Ask yourself if you’re truly happy, and you cease to be so,” says Darrin McMahon, PhD, author of Happiness: A History.
Some say happiness is like falling in love, that you can’t make it happen. But if that’s the case, then how can you become happier?
At a recent Happiness & Its Causes Conference in San Francisco, a wide range of experts, including scientists, psychologists, philosophers, and even Tibetan Buddhists, offered their thoughts on the topic. Below are just a few of their tips for overcoming six common happiness barriers.
Barrier 1: Complexity
Solution: Simplify
Schooled in Buddhist monasteries since childhood, Thupten Jinpa, PhD, knows a thing or two about the benefits of simplicity. Why do you think monks and nuns shave their heads, he asks? For one, it simplifies their lives (just an example – we’re not saying to make a trip to the barber).
A principal English translator to the Dalai Lama, Jinpa is no longer a monk. But he still holds on to some of the lifestyle’s spartan values. “My family has a one-car policy,” he says, pointing out the hassles of owning more than one, such as the costs, the maintenance and the time managing the details. Multiple credit cards? They don’t create freedom or happiness, as many people have learned over the past couple of years.
“Modern life has elevated individual choice to the highest level, he says, but these choices come at a big price. We often confuse quality of life with standard of life,” Jinpa says.
If you simplify your life, you create more space in your day, making it possible to reflect on your life and better understand what it is you truly need.
Barrier 2: The Pace of Life Is Just Too Fast
Solution: Hit the Pause Button
The same culture that entangles you in a web of complexity may also have you running around like a crazy chicken. “That kind of tension takes a toll on your soul and your psyche,” says Jinpa. Whether you call it prayer, meditation, or just plain silence, finding time to hit the pause button of your life remote just a few minutes a day can help you recharge your batteries and make you feel happier. A good time to do this is in the morning. Without it, your life may feel out of control.
In addition to this, the Venerable Robina Courtin, a Buddhist nun and organizer of the Happiness & Its Causes Conference, recommends spending these quiet minutes practicing mindful meditation. “During the day, we’re completely absorbed by our senses,” she says, “so we don’t pay attention to our minds.” Sit in a quiet place and simply anchor your mind on your breathing. When your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath. Through this process, you learn to observe what your mind is saying.
Happiness Barrier No. 3: Negativity
Solution: Just Let It Go
“Your prison is nothing in comparison with the inner prison of ordinary people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride,” wrote Lama Zopa Rinpoche of the Liberation Prison Project, which offers Buddhist teachings to people in prison.
Some might view this statement as a bit of an exaggeration. But negative, compulsive thoughts are very effective – how you see things and the way you experience the world are strongly linked. This is why having a positive outlook is crucial.
“In our culture, we take it as natural that people are angry, depressed, or dejected all the time, Courtin says. “No wonder we get depressed — it’s a depressing world view. It says you can’t do anything about it.”
But what can you do about this? You can look inside of yourself, pay attention, and take responsibility for your thoughts. Rather than judging negative thoughts, observe them with compassion. Then ask yourself, “How can I improve this?”
“Techniques like mindful meditation can help, but may not be for everyone, especially those experiencing severe depression,” says Philippe R. Goldin, PhD, research associate in the department of psychology at Stanford University.
But there are other simple steps you can take to counteract negativity and enhance your happiness. Practicing gratitude is one. Studies show that people who practiced being more grateful for even the smallest, simplest things felt better about their lives, exercised more, and were more optimistic.
