Where does God fit it?
This is (obviously) crucial for partners with different religious backgrounds. But it can still be an issue even within the same faith. Will your family go to church? How big of a role do you want religion to play in your children’s lives? Will there be prayers before dinner?
How many babies do you both want?
What happens when you want one child, but your partner is thinking about a much larger family? The number of children you have will impact your family, and personal, life more than just about anything else, so it’s good to know ahead of time what number is the ideal for each of you.
What about discipline?
Ask 100 different people about the best way to discipline a child, and you’ll probably get 100 different answers. What types of punishments are acceptable to each of you? Time-outs? Spankings? You don’t have to figure out every scenario, but make sure you and your partner are in the same general punishment ballpark.
Who will change the baby’s diapers?
Who will do what? True, this is the kind of thing that tends to work itself out, but you should have a sense of this as early as possible. Will you both split everything or are there distinct Daddy Duties and Mommy Duties? Will you take turns waking up at 2 a.m. (and 3 a.m., and 4 a.m., and 5 a.m…)?
What’s your definition of “spoiling”?
You already know that it’s not a great idea to give a child every single last thing they want. But what will they get? How old will they be when they start getting an allowance? Do they have to do chores to earn that allowance? How much TV can they watch? How long can they be on the computer for (let’s not even talk about going out with friends, dating, etc.)?