What is a man really thinking. For just about forever, women have tried to interpret the male species. While, in theory, every man is different, research has found a number of surprising parallels. From his fear of commitment to his fondness for cuddling, certain emotions cause many men to freeze up rather than open up.
Here are some of the top secrets your guy may be keeping from you:
1. Saying “I love you” is complicated.
Those “three little words” could be the most complex in the English language. While some men prematurely pull the trigger on the “L word” (a recent study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that guys tend to say “I love you” first, often driven by the idea that their partner will be more likely to have sex with them) — other guys just aren’t that good at getting the words out. Instead, they show their love through their actions. How can you know for sure? Those actions may be a truer indicator of his feelings than any passion-fueled colloquy, says Irina Firstein, LCSW, a relationship counselor who has advised couples in New York City for more than 20 years.
2. Commitment really does scare me.
Men often have a harder time picking up on subtle relationship cues — and because of this, your man may not be aware of the point in which your bond has moved to a higher expectation of commitment. In fact, some guys get anxious about becoming attached, even if they seem to enjoy the relationship. “Men often ‘rubber band,’ withdraw, or pull back if they feel like the relationship has moved beyond their comfort zone,” Firstein notes. This new territory can take a man by surprise — even if you felt like he was forging ahead at the same pace you were.
3. I get performance jitters.
Do men think about sex a lot? Sure they do, but their fears of sexual
inadequacy may be just as frequent. If a man has ever had an
unsuccessful go at sex (and most of them have! — flopped romps can be
triggered by common missteps such as drinking too much), his stress in
the bedroom can stockpile — which can eventually lead to sexual
dysfunction. Many men will even avoid sex rather than talk honestly
about their fears with their partner, and this can harm both the sexual
health and the emotional health of a relationship.
4. I’m not crazy about monogamy.