My Story: After Losing Twins At 5 Months “I’m Called To Love On A Deeper Level Now”

Tifair Hamed sharing her official baby bump.

Tifair Hamed sharing her official baby bump.

Experiencing a miscarriage comes with enough heartache on its own, but imagine having to deliver your child at 5 months with no hope of taking him or her home. Now imagine doing that twice. After the loss of her twin girls earlier this year, Tifair Hamed refused to give into depression. She shares her vulnerable story and a powerful testimony of rebuilding a life worth living with  

The moment my husband and I found out we were pregnant, I took on a new occupation that I had no official training for – a MOMMY! As I look back on that moment, I likened myself to an architect. I needed to tear down our ‘home’ called newlyweds without children and design a new foundation to build a ‘home’ or ‘life’ with children.

Many thoughts raced through my mind… Will I be a good mom? How much is daycare? What are the items we will need for a nursery? Oh, Pinterest is a perfect place for designing a nursery! I definitely need to bring my lunch to work more often to save money.  Should we move? Do we need to move my retired mother-in-law in to help with the baby? And then a realization and peace came to me. If I needed to live in a cardboard box to raise my children, I’d do it. Whatever it took to provide and love my child-to-be, I’d adjust. I was far from a cardboard box, but my priorities in life quickly changed.  The very thought of that life changed my selfish heart to that of a giver, a mother.

The Hameds on their wedding day.

The Hameds on their wedding day.

From fear to faith

One balmy October afternoon, my husband and I had our first ultrasound. The ultrasound tech placed that warm sticky, annoying gel on my belly and I was anxious to hear his or her heart beat for the first time. The tech looked concerned as she examined me and she suggested that we needed to take a closer look.

I became nervous immediately, as we miscarried at just at 7 weeks gestation months earlier. This time, it was the opposite.

There were two heart beats instead of just one.

My husband literally jumped out of his seat, held his head in disbelief and laughed with excitement. Me, myself and I on the other hand wanted to shake him. I looked at him like he was crazy. I thought, how can you be so excited, aren’t you scared? Well, that fear turned to faith rather quickly. They were diagnosed monoamniotic twin girls, as they shared the same sac and placenta, a 1% rarity. They told me that it was 50/50 chance they’d survive. We believed the best and called on God often.

Special delivery: two angels

The twins began to grow and develop normally from month to month. Then, one Sunday morning I didn’t feel well, as I was up and down to the bathroom all night. It felt like a stomach bug of some sort. I went into Labor and Delivery to be checked and within 24 hours I was forced to deliver Faith and Grace on January 6th, 2015 at 5 months gestation.