As a matchmaker for Black professionals, a good amount of my clients are Black women. In our consultations, I learn about the type of men they’ve dated in the past and are physically attracted to. I often find women disqualify men based on superficial ideas of what we think our dream guy should look like.
In reality, there are several attractive and eligible men we see daily but won’t consider because he’s not our ideal guy.
Take singer Toni Braxton for example. Toni shocked nearly everyone when she confirmed her relationship with Cash Money Records co-founder and rapper Birdman, born Bryan Christopher Williams, back in 2017. The two went from dating to engaged and there were even reports that the two had secretly gotten married in a private wedding ceremony. But it looks like the couple is no longer together as Toni confirmed that they are both single in an Instagram post denying that she and the rapper were married.
Toni captioned the Instagram post, "#FAKENEWS,” over a screenshot of a news story featuring photos of the two music stars and the headline, “Congratulations! Toni Braxton & Birdman Married In A Private Ceremony In Mexico! My dear friend @birdman and I are not married...never been married. We are both single.
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Although the couple is no longer together, we can take some notes from their relationship. Sometimes our dating pool is small because we exclude quality men we could have a healthy, loving, long-term relationship with. If you’re looking to meet more quality men, consider the four types of men listed below.
1. Men under 6ft tall.
The most common request from my women clients is height. My extreme clients only want to date men at least 6ft tall. Nearly all of my women clients want a man taller than them in heels. We were brought up to believe we should have a tall, dark, and handsome man.
In our culture, women believe taller men are stronger and, therefore, better protectors. So, taller men are automatically more desirable, although there has been no research proving taller men are better protectors. It’s just in our heads. When we exclude shorter men we exclude men we otherwise might be interested in such as Larenz Tate or the old Kanye West.
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2. "Corny" Men like Russell Wilson.
Idris, Denzel, and Kofi all have the “it” factor that takes their average looks and makes them Superman. They’re confident and charismatic. Women love confident men. However, we shouldn’t limit our dating pools only to men who are confident and charismatic.
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Have you ever met a man who shares your goals and values and desires to treat you like a queen but, for whatever reason, you’re just not that into him? I call those men a Russell Wilson. Imagine Russell without the money and fame that comes with being an NFL Player. He’s not the type of guy whose presence commands a room, but he has no desire to date tons of women.
He’s less fun, but he doesn’t want you to chase him. He wants everything you want. You can look for this guy in your friend zone.
3. Men of other races.
Yes, a Black matchmaker is telling you to consider men of other races. I’m not suggesting that you date other men instead of Black men; I’m suggesting you date men of other races in addition to Black men.
America has truly become a melting pot. Pew Research found 39 percent of U.S.-born Hispanics and 46 percent of U.S.-born Asians newlyweds intermarried. In other words, everybody is doing it.
I love and see the value in Black love. However, I know all Black people won’t marry another Black person. While there are some cultural differences, you might find men of other races aren’t too different after all.
4. Men without a degree.
Until recently, we believed college degrees were a sure way to enter the middle class. So, we placed value on getting a degree and partnering with someone who also has a college education. If we’re honest, there are social expectations as well.
When you’re in environments where people ask what you do for a living or what school you attended as quickly as they ask your name, you want someone who has a good answer. You want your partner to fit into your circle. However, we’ve learned college degrees don’t always lead to success.
There are high-paying blue-collar jobs without the costly education. Men without degrees can become successful entrepreneurs too. Look at the success of Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook. Don’t miss out on a great guy because he doesn’t look good on paper.
My challenge to the successful but single sistas is to take a look at the single men you already know. Consider the ones you disqualified because he’s not tall enough, he’s not charismatic, he’s not Black, or he didn’t go to college. Suddenly, you’ll find the number of eligible men available to you is a lot larger than you initially thought. There isn’t a shortage of quality men. You’ve just been excluding them all.
