Breaking The Taboo Of Selfishness: A Case For Self Care

Last weekend I went to see a film, Straight Outta Compton. I entered the movie theater feeling desperate for a moment to spend with myself. I entered the movie theater shamed with feelings of guilt for ditching a work engagement I all but promised to attend. I entered the movie theater with the general nervousness that is all too familiar as I mapped out my time to the millisecond before having to pick up my two children from daycare. I entered the theater distracted by thoughts that I should be saving money, doing work, cleaning my home, paying a bill - and a litany of other "shoulds".

I left the theater feeling inspired, with renewed energy and gratitude for the living legacies found in hip hop greatness. I was proud of the camaraderie that was birthed straight outta compton. While I'd be honored to share all of the many reasons why I am truly blown away by the symbolism of the film, my purpose here is to illuminate the need and ultimate utilization of self care.

Let's take a look at the common condition of many.

We work countless hours, take care of our families, endure life's unpredictable tragedies, embrace the chaos of success and accomplishment, and sometimes engage in philanthropic or volunteer efforts all for the purpose of making the world a better place. Naturally there are those systemic factors and individual circumstances that also influence our activities of daily living. The price we often pay for living such a full life, we refer to as stress: Sustained Turmoil and a Resistance to Support Self.

MUST READ: 11 Ways To Set Yourself Up For A Stress-Free Day!

Now, we all know that a moderate level of stress arousal can be positive. This experience of stress is not debilitating or taxing as much as it is motivating. However, stress that is prolonged or extreme in its level of intensity I refer to as a sense of Sustained Turmoil, sometimes called chronic stress. This state of existence can directly impact our health from persistent headaches to a compromised immune system, making it difficult to fight off infection or illness. Worse and most common is a nurtured resilience that causes us to normalize stress so much so that we don't even notice it until it manifests itself in our bodies or in the frequent utilization of unhealthy habits (e.g., drinking to de-stress/relax, comfort eating, etc.).

We refrain or actively resist supporting our own well being. We rationalize it away by telling ourselves:

"...I don't have time today"
"...I don't have the money right now"

"...I'm fine"

"...People are depending on me"

"...I don't even feel stressed out"

We have been conditioned to believe that attending to our own wellbeing intentionally and unapologetically is selfish. Caring for oneself ultimately allows you to better serve others. You can start by doing the following:

Evaluate what brings you peace and requires minimal brain matter.

I can hear you now. "I love my work." Well, I do as well but that requires brain matter. I enjoy being near water and appreciating the waves of the water requires little brain matter. A solo day trip to the beach when I'm in Florida or sitting on a deck near a calm lake when I'm in Michigan brings an indescribable sense of peace. I feel lighter.

A trip to the beach or lake may not always be feasible. This illustrates the need for multiple access points to peace. For example, a nap is my best friend that I rarely get to visit but we truly enjoy one another's company when we reunite.

Disclaimer: In order for this to have its full effect, you must minimize distractions. While I also enjoy spending time with my children, a trip to the beach with them is more fun than relaxing. Clearly a different kind of enjoyment.

Center yourself around your breath.

I recognize that guided imagery or meditation isn't everyone's cup of tea (although it does work). Diaphragmatic breathing will always calm your soul and recalibrate your mind and body. Take 5 minutes periodically throughout the day to close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Breathe deeply. Close out the world and focus inward. Allow your natural physiology to do its job.

Disclaimer: Naturally, random thoughts may enter you mind and try to rob you of this moment. It's all good. When this occurs just focus on the breathing again. I help myself stay focused by counting.

Confront your stressors.

First you must assess, "Am I really stressed?" We tend to characterize almost any negative emotion as stress. It's possible that what you are really experiencing is fear or guilt or insecurity or grief or overwhelmed. Identify the origin of your stress. Once you discover it, treat yourself with some compassion and then create a plan to eliminate or alleviate the stressor.

Create time to engage in the things that rejuvenate you.

Straight Outta Compton was mine. Not just the movie itself but making a commitment to take myself on a date. Giving myself permission to chose me. Experiencing something that inspired me and got me excited to re-engage in the rest of my day. I feel satisfied. I got to say, in the words of Ice Cube, "today was a good Day."

Mind - Body - Soul Connection

Our thoughts impact the way we feel. The way we feel and our perceptions of those feelings can manifest itself in our bodies. Our souls are recipients of the way we love or harm ourselves. Naturally we must get adequate sleep (easier said than done). Naturally we must eat well (easier said than done). Either way we must care for ourselves more frequently. You have my permission. For those of you that are spiritual beings of any kind - seek support, guidance and tenacity from your higher power. You don't ever have to love alone!

Dr. Brandi Pritchett-Johnson is a Licensed Psychologist and Clinical Assistant Professor at The University of Florida. She is also the CEO/President of the 501c3 nonprofit Future 4 Teens.