What lies in the heart of a Black women...like what's really in their heart? Sometimes we only share what's on the surface. But on a tumblr blog, Black Women Confessions, is giving women the platform to share their deepest, innermost secrets. And honestly, some of them are heartbreaking, but they are true. Men: listen. Women: listen too. You are loved and you aren't the only one.
Below are some of the top ones we picked out to share.
Confession #1:
Every black man I’ve ever dated has hurt me. Every single one. It’s the reason I don’t date black men anymore. I have issues with white men and white people surrounding racism and sexism but I haven’t been raped by a white dude, I haven’t been assaulted by one. I’m by no means saying that it can’t happen; but I haven’t been. With black men there’s this particular sort of hurt that they lay down. Sexual violence and emotional violence. Maybe it’s just amplified to me because I expect them to protect me. Like I do them. Like my father did me. The sting feels twice, maybe three times as hot.
It pains me because I love black men. I by no means want to shit on them. It pains me to even speak the truth about my pain. I by no means hold any hatred for them on a whole. I will fight for them, cry them and die for them. I have three brothers and I love them dearly - none of them are dating black women and that hurts me but I’m quiet. I wonder what their thoughts on relationships with black women entail. I have a cousin in jail and a white woman put him there telling “lies” on him. Were they lies tho? I don’t know. He promptly ran back to a black girl who took his sorry ass back when he left her for that same white girl to begin with; which angers me for her, even tho he’s my cousin.
Honestly, my heart just hurts and I wanted to share the fact that there is a specific type of hurt, a specific type of feeling when your own does you so badly, does women so badly. I even have a problem sending this but you know, I’m just going to let it go, put it out there into the world and take a break from being sad alone about it today.
Confession #2:
Confession #3:
My 15 year old daughter said “Mom, I’m never getting married and having kids,” with a disappointed look on her face. Of course I responded as positive as I could and told her yes, one day you will and why would u believe different. She said “because all the black boys are gay in Atlanta” I chuckled. We’re moving to Atlanta next month and majority of the video she see are of gay black boys and men, or Trans. ???? Realizing this is reality of today society gay seems to be the new TREND my heart is heavy for my daughters.
Hoping this doesn’t make them believe that BLACK MALES are not worthy of her love and seek love in other ethnic groups. Constantly, I remind her to be BLACK and PROUD and there is nothing greater than a BLACK MAN. Hearing the cries of my daughter still young and not of dating age I’m speechless. I utter the words dear when you get into college you’ll meet a great guy from any parts of the world you’re not limited to Atlanta, Las Vegas or any state your option are unlimited you’ll get married.
Confession #4:
Confession #5:
I pray that one day my older sister loves her kinky, curly hair as much as I do. Our family is pretty much a blended one, with our black roots and filipino roots. Me and my two siblings have ended up with different curl patterns (notably me having 3b and my older sister having 4c). She always says her hair isn’t pretty and compares herself to women that are deemed to have “good hair.” Her hair is beautiful the way it is. Those 4c curls are everything and more.
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Confession #6:
Confession #7:
I am 20 years old and I am proud to be a black woman but sometimes I catch myself doing some misogynistic things. I guess like maybe it comes into play that my father was a huge influence on me and like I wanted to be like him. Be tough, brash, fearless, heartless, and overall a no BS person. He taught me not to cry and to do things right. Now as I have gotten older, I noticed that I despise girly girls and overly feminine attributes. I try not to but I just want women to be strong and courageous never to fall back into the male and female category of living. I don’t know if I should feel bad or should I just deal with it. I guess I’m just one of those girls…
Confession #8:
Confession #9:
When I was younger I used to be very self-conscious about my darkness. My dark skin, my dark gums, my eyes. Everything that was dark on my body seemed horrible to me and I didn’t feel feminine. Being a dark-skinned girl growing up in international schools, I was introduced to the desire of lighter skin and euro-centric features at a young age. There was this gravitation towards people with lighter skin and eurocentricity that I always noticed, people were brainwashed and still are brainwashed to believe that that is beautiful and respected and powerful.
What I noticed amongst the youth is the exclusion with darker-skinned children within international or multiracial spaces. I also think that darker-skinned people are so dehumanized that they are seen in a monolithic way, (no being able to tell them all apart physically therefore they must all be the same/stereotypes) maybe teachers or people taking care of these children don’t focus as much time and energy on students that don’t look desirable or cute to them. please check me if I’m wrong. I also noticed how excluded darker black girls are in international private schools, especially fat black girls.
When I tell people that I used to bleach my skin they ask me why. This is difficult to explain to be honest, because you would have to go through it and really feel disgusted about yourself to do anything to gain confidence. It was for confidence, respect and love for myself. I wouldn’t have to worry about my looks anymore because I would already be considered “beautiful”. I got bullied a lot for my darkness because darkness is seen as masculine while whiteness is feminine. Boys used to sexualize and disrespect me a lot. Were ridiculed if they expressed any interest in me. This actually continued to happen in high school. The most comfort I had was with other black girls who went through the same shit as I did, or any race but of darker complexion. We all used to hang out together because we all got shit for our skin. I love dark women.
It’s not the case for me anymore. I love my darkness, and I love myself completely natural , my androgynous figure and untamable hair. I love my dark gums and dark lips. I love the discoloration because I feel more human. I feel mortal and connected with my body. It’s challenging for me to love myself completely all the time because of everlasting beauty standards that are shoved in my face. Don’t get it twisted. I love makeup as well, but some things aren’t for everybody. I just think its funny how men can have blemishes and show them on their face and it doesn’t drastically determine their beauty as much as it would on women.
I would also like to point out the beauty standards of people who “appreciate natural beauty in black women” because those are also flawed. I see this constant trend of oversexualized black women who have really smooth skin, very defined curves, aka tumblr aesthetic.
My direction in beauty defies all of that. I aim to be as natural as I can. physically, mentally.
Confession #10:
I want every black girl to know, no matter what shade you are, you are beautiful. There’s no such thing as being less beautiful than light skin or dark skin, you are all equally beautiful. Embrace the African you are, because truly it’s nothing more than beautified originality.
