10 Powerful Confessions Of Black Women
I am 20 years old and I am proud to be a black woman but sometimes I catch myself doing some misogynistic things. I guess like maybe it comes into play that my father was a huge influence on me and like I wanted to be like him. Be tough, brash, fearless, heartless, and overall a no BS person. He taught me not to cry and to do things right. Now as I have gotten older, I noticed that I despise girly girls and overly feminine attributes. I try not to but I just want women to be strong and courageous never to fall back into the male and female category of living. I don’t know if I should feel bad or should I just deal with it. I guess I’m just one of those girls…
When I was younger I used to be very self conscious about my darkness. My dark skin, my dark gums, my eyes. Everything that was dark on my body seemed horrible to me and I didn’t feel feminine. Being a dark skinned girl growing up in international schools, I was introduced to the desire of lighter skin and euro-centric features at a young age. There was this gravitation towards people with lighter skin and eurocentricity that I always noticed, people were brainwashed and still are brainwashed to believe that that is beautiful and respected and powerful.
What I noticed amongst the youth is the exclusion with darker skinned children within international or multiracial spaces. I also think that darker skinned people are so dehumanized that they are seen in a monolithic way, (no being able to tell them all apart physically therefore they must all be the same/stereotypes) maybe teachers or people taking care of these children don’t focus as much time and energy on students that don’t look desirable or cute to them. please check me if I’m wrong. I also noticed how excluded darker black girls are in international private schools, especially fat black girls.
When I tell people that I used to bleach my skin they ask me why. This is difficult to explain to be honest, because you would have to go through it and really feel disgusted about yourself to do anything to gain confidence. It was for confidence, respect and love for myself. I wouldn’t have to worry about my looks anymore because I would already be considered “beautiful”. I got bullied a lot for my darkness because darkness is seen as masculine while whiteness is feminine. Boys used to sexualize and disrespect me a lot. Were ridiculed if they expressed any interest in me. This actually continued to happen in high school. The most comfort I had was with other black girls who went through the same shit as I did, or any race but of darker complexion. We all used to hang out together because we all got shit for our skin. I love dark women.
It’s not the case for me anymore. I love my darkness, and I love myself completely natural , my androgynous figure and untamable hair. I love my dark gums and dark lips. I love the discoloration because I feel more human. I feel mortal and connected with my body. It’s challenging for me to love myself completely all the time because of everlasting beauty standards that are shoved in my face. Don’t get it twisted. I love makeup as well, but some things aren’t for everybody. I just think its funny how men can have blemishes and show them on their face and it doesn’t drastically determine their beauty as much as it would on women.
I would also like to point out the beauty standards of people who “appreciate natural beauty in black women” because those are also flawed. I see this constant trend of oversexualized black women who have really smooth skin, very defined curves, aka tumblr aesthetic.
My direction in beauty defies all of that. I aim to be as natural as I can. physically, mentally.
I want every black girl to know, no matter what shade you are, you are beautiful. There’s no such thing as being less beautiful than light skin or dark skin, you are all equally beautiful. Embrace the African you are, because truly it’s nothing more than beautified originality.