Breakups are hard–whether you’re on the receiving end or the heartbreaker. Your emotions are at an all-time high. You may even rack your brain over whether or not you made the right decision. Once the loneliness, doubt, resentment, or regret kicks in, it can be difficult to sort out your feelings, especially those you may harbor against your ex–because moving on is hard. We’ve all been there.
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So, the next time you’re on the phone with your girl, tub of rocky road ice cream drowned in extra toppings in hand, with Ne-Yo’s “Do You” blasting in the background after seeing your ex has moved on via Instagram, take a deep breath.
No, this is not the time to call your ex and reminisce over the good times (or the bad), stalk his (or her) Instagram feed, or stir up drama to prevent him/her from moving on. It’s time to evaluate the thoughts you’ve been having and why you’ve been having them. In fact, sometimes realizing those love-like feelings you’ve been having AREN’T 100% genuine is a huge step in the right direction.
So, if you’ve recently gone through a nasty breakup and are feeling confused, here are a few signs to give yourself a gut check.
You aren’t still in love with your ex if you…
1. Want their current relationship to fail.
While you may be thinking, “Of course I want my ex’s relationship to fail, because I love him/her and want them back!,” the truth of the matter is this is a control issue.
As cliché as it sounds, if you really loved your ex and it didn’t work out, you’d want to see them happy–even if it’s not with you.
2. Want them to come crawling back.
You keep your phone within arm’s reach, leaping to your feet each time a text, email, or phone call comes in–hoping it’s your ex on the other end. Meanwhile, you refuse to take the initiative.
Whether your refusal is due to pride, fear, stubbornness, or a combo deal, it’s not love. You’re simply looking for a reaction. Maybe you’re looking for a way to boost your self-esteem. Or maybe the thought that they can’t live without you is amusing. Either way, love is not a competition of whose pride will break first.
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3. Become a bugaboo.
While this should go without saying, the opposite of #2 is also true. Bombarding your ex with phone calls, rapid-fire text messages, or even showing up at their place of work—refusing to take the hint – isn’t love either. It’s obsession.