Comedian and Academy-Award-winning actress Mo'Nique and her husband, Sidney Hicks, have been happily married since 2006. Their not-so-secret secret to long-lasting love has had people talking for years. A few years ago the couple talked about their "open marriage" on an episode of 'The Preachers,' a daytime talk show.
"It was my idea," Mo'nique explained, "because I wanted to be open and honest with the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with."
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The couple previously explained on their popular podcast, 'Mo'Nique & Sidney's Open Relationship,' that the word "open" doesn't just refer to sex. Open is how they describe their communication style. Sidney shared at the time, "We are in an open relationship 24/8. And that means we are always open to a conversation. We’re open to the understanding that man and woman or as a couple we should have for one another."
But, don't get it twisted: sex with other men and women was a part of their open marriage. Mo'Nique, who initiated the idea (to many people's shock), believes being honest about that is part of what makes their relationship so 'beautiful.' "There may be times I may want to be with other men. And my best friend said, ‘Mama, I’ve loved you since the 10th grade, do you think you being with another man is going to have anything to do with me loving you?,' she said in the segment.
Although the couple previously made headlines for their open marriage, Mo'nique recently shared that they have decided to close their marriage because she "grew out of" that relationship dynamic.
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“Life began to happen. I began to see a strength I had never seen before. He loved me at my worst. I didn't want to sacrifice that just for a lay,” she told the Hollywood Reporter. “So I grew out of that."
Is how they work their union really so unconventional? With 17 years of marriage under their belt, Mo'nique can speak about both an open and closed marriage. You may be curious to know if they're the ones getting it right. But, don't jump in so fast! When open relationships are discussed, many assumptions are quickly made.
I asked Sexpert Tyomi Morgan to chime in on the topic and share her advice for couples considering an open relationship.
If you are a couple considering this option, here are 5 things you should consider:
1. An open relationship is not partner swapping.
When people hear the term “open relationship,” it doesn’t always mean the couple is having sex with other people. This is one aspect of an open relationship, but it can also be about sharing intimacy and having a relationship with someone else exclusive of sex. Swingers are
couples who actively seek out sex with other people or couples outside of their relationship, but open relationships can be progressive and polyamorous.
According to Sexpert Tyomi, “People who want to be in an open relationship want to practice open love. These individuals feel more and want to share this love with those in which their hearts gravitate towards.” Tyomi notes these couples have a home base of whom they go home to; someone they truly love and trust.
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2. It's not a quick fix for spicing up your love life.
Couples can fall into patterns where sex can become stale or routine. Some may think if they have an open relationship it will spice up their love life. This is a common misperception.
Spicing up your relationship doesn't always have to mean sex outside of the relationship. Developing more intimacy as a couple is key, says Tyomi. Try playing games, sexting, or even sex coaching to spice things up at home.
3. It's not a solution for infidelity.
If a couple has had infidelity in the past, an open relationship is not a quick fix. The couple must first resolve the issues they had in therapy.
Sexpert Tyomi explained, “The couple has to figure out why the infidelity happened in the first place, come to an agreement on how to move forward, or stay in counseling until they can repair their relationship. Having another person in the relationship will not fix this issue. The couple has to be on the same page in their lifestyle.”
4. Communication and trust must be present first.
Monique was the one who suggested an open relationship. She didn’t want to be dishonest with her best friend and the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. If you meet someone and want to explore more with them, communicate this to your partner. Determine what’s acceptable. If a couple lacks communication and trust from the start, an open relationship adds additional issues to their union.
If you and your significant other are struggling with communication and trust issues, settle these areas first before adding this additional dynamic to your relationship.
5. Lay the ground rules.
If you decide to venture into an open relationship, have ground rules. Sexpert Tyomi says you can’t just start going out on dates and hooking up with people. Run it past your partner first. Is this person going to be allowed to come to family functions? Will you be dating them? Is it a sexual relationship or something else? Most importantly, understand where your home base is established.”
If one person wants an open relationship, but the other person does not, it will not work. Both parties have to be in agreement and on the same page.
People assume people in open relationships have a disdain for monogamy. This isn’t necessarily true. This practice helps to make their relationship dynamic better. If you believe that an open relationship would work for you, it’s between you and your significant other!
Watch Mo'Nique's "The Preacher's" segment below.
