Relationship 101: Healthy Fighting

Me and him.

I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationship. Everything really did seem like a fairy tale. Gum drops, bubble gum and lollipops were all I saw when it came to him. It was like I had been picked up by a unicorn and whisked off to Candyland.

I remember laying in his arms about 2-3 months in and saying, “Do you think we will ever fight?” He said, “I’m not sure, but I hope not.” Months later we still find ourselves in a great place, but we have had our share of fights. I think what has made our relationship so solid, despite the bickering, is what I like to call fighting fair or healthy fighting.

Some fighting is healthy in a relationship. Fighting allows for you to express your true feelings, find common ground with a person, create stronger bonds, and if you’re lucky have steamy makeup sessions.

The key is to make sure that you’re fighting in a way that when the fight is done you haven’t lost sight of why you and your partner love each other so much. Here are some tips on making sure the battleground stays civil.

1. Keep the end goal in mind.  

This is actually something that my mom taught me as a kid. I don’t think I truly began to understand this until late in my college years. I recognize that we all have our falling outs with people and reasons for getting upset, but when you value a friendship/relationship with another you have to remain true to that first. When my boyfriend pisses me off, before I start an argument with him I evaluate what I want the outcome to be. I know right away if I gut check my objective and leave the emotional nonsense at the door, I’m more likely to have a better result.