Relationship 101: Healthy Fighting

2. Understand the root of your feelings. 

There have been so many times that I have gotten upset about something and then midway through the argument I realized what we were discussing wasn’t even truly my problem; it was simply a cover up for the real problem. Sometimes we have to recognize what the underlying issue to a surface level problem is before we begin the discussion.

3. Cool off.

Ladies, I can’t preach this enough. I am guilty of it myself. We have got to calm down. No matter how good it feels to yell and scream when we are angry, it never gets you what you want in the end. I have found that taking a moment to cool down before I bring up an issue is helpful. When I approach my issues with a level head and a calm, respectful tone I tend to get more headway. When voices start getting raised, and the energy between you and your significant other becomes hostile it’s time to cool off. Know when to take a break from the argument. Take your time to gather and recollect your thoughts, then try again when the coast is clear of aggressive behavior.

4. Do not postpone. 

It’s okay to take your time and “talk about things later,” but it’s not okay for later to turn into never. When you want to talk about something at another time, pin down a time so that your partner isn’t playing the waiting game. The anticipation of waiting for the other person to get around to talking about their issues can drive one insane. It can even cause some unnecessary built up hostility and resentment.

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