Gabrielle Union broke the internet the night she revealed her baby to the world via a surrogate. Images flooded the internet of her sitting in a hospital bed in a gown and wearing a hospital bracelet, but most of us were left puzzled as to why?
Why did she appear to have given birth herself? Why all the theatrics of hashtagging #skintoskin? What does this all mean?
For a long time surrogacy was kept hush by those who took that path, but now, more than ever, we're publically embracing this beautiful life bringing option. Are you looking to use a surrogate for yourself? Here are 7 things you should know first:
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1. You have to know why you’re doing it.
There are several reasons to consider using a surrogate to bear your child. Male same-sex couples who want to have a biological child often use a surrogate. Some women are unable to carry and bear a child due to cancer treatment, genetic conditions, having had a hysterectomy, or medical conditions that make it dangerous for them to get pregnant. Sometimes couples will use a surrogate when other fertility treatments have not been successful for them or there are problems with the female partner’s uterus.
2. There are two types of surrogates.
A surrogate is a woman who bears a child for another person or multiple people. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is inseminated with the male parent’s sperm through “intrauterine insemination” (IUI).
She then becomes pregnant and carries the child. The traditional surrogate is technically considered the baby’s biological mother as well as the birth parent because it was her egg that was fertilized by the father's sperm, however, donor sperm can be used as well.
A gestational surrogate undergoes a technique called “in vitro fertilization” (IVF) now makes it possible to gather eggs from the mother, fertilize them with sperm from the father, and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate. The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. She doesn't have any genetic ties to the child because it wasn't her egg that was used.
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Now, a gestational surrogate is also still technically called the “birth mother”, however, the biological mother, is the woman whose egg was actually fertilized.
3. It’s only legal in some states.
Using a surrogate mother is actually still controversial today, but the actual laws differ widely from state to state. Some states forbid surrogacy altogether, such as Arizona and New York. Other states are favorable to surrogacy, with laws and courts upholding surrogacy agreements or pre-birth orders.
New Jersey, for instance, is one of the states which forbids traditional surrogacy but permits gestational surrogacy. In other states, the laws are so complicated that courts decide on a case-by-case basis.
If you’re considering surrogacy, you should definitely get a lawyer who is experienced in reproductive law in your state, so you can make sure your child born to a surrogate is legally recognized as yours and that you have parental rights.
4. Finding a surrogate is actually pretty easy.
Most people use a surrogacy agency to arrange a gestational surrogate. The agency helps you find a surrogate and makes all arrangements, including collecting any fees for the surrogate and making sure you cover her medical costs. There are over 100 surrogacy agencies in the U.S.
Most fertility centers have relationships with surrogacy agencies and can help you find a surrogate through an agency. You can also ask a friend or family member to be a surrogate. Sometimes a family member will volunteer to do this for compassionate reasons but it can become a little bit tricky legally and emotionally in the end.
5. You can heavily screen your potential surrogate.
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends that a surrogate have a medical exam to make sure she’s healthy and be screened for STIs and other infectious diseases. They recommend that she also be tested for immunity to measles, chicken pox, and rubella (German measles).
You can make sure they have passed a psychological screening by a mental health professional to help make sure she won’t have issues with giving up the baby after birth. You can have her sign a legal contract about her responsibilities during the pregnancy, and that she agrees to give up the baby after it is born.
6. It’s not cheap.
Costs generally run from $80,000 to $140,000 and upward, including the surrogacy agency’s fee, the surrogate’s fee (if permitted in your state), the cost of insurance and other expenses for the pregnancy and delivery, the cost of IVFand donor eggs if needed, travel expenses and a monthly stipend for the surrogate. You should expect to cover any medical costs related to the pregnancy and delivery which are not covered by her insurance or the surrogacy-pregnancy policy.
7. You can request to see the child being born.
Every hospital has their own particular policies about the delivery. However, if a woman is working with a surrogacy agency, the company will take care of all of the negotiations and logistics beforehand. After giving birth, surrogates can witness their intending parents cut the umbilical cord and hold their newborn for the very first time. Many women agree these are the best memories of all and don’t mind giving the intending parents the initial #skintoskin time, which is recommending in the first few minutes of any birth to bond a mother to their baby.
Tia Muhammad, BS, is an award-winning freelance content & media creative, copywriter, blogger, digital designer, and marketing consultant. She owns the boutique content and digital media company, jackieGLDN|studio.
