Navigating through the dating scene as a young adult is already challenging enough, so why not add celibacy to the mix?
In a world where “matching” with someone is one swipe away, things have the potential to move way faster than they ever have. The concept of sex-positivity, however beautiful, and mobile applications like Bumble and Tinder can make the dating terrain a bit rougher for those who have committed to celibacy.
Celibacy is a very personal choice. When someone decides to abstain from sex there’s a valid reason behind it, be it spiritual, religious, short-term or long-term, and the search for love can bring on unforeseen pressures, stress; and uncertainty for those who are serious about their commitment.
I once wrote an article about how celibacy can help increase productivity and focus so that we can achieve our goals. My decision was all about spiritual soundness and personal growth. At the time the article was published I had been celibate for about a year and some change. I wasn’t interested in dating back then because I wasn’t quite sure I had the strength and willpower.
Now that I’m ready to date again, I’ve noticed that things that work for my sexually active friends don’t necessarily work for me. I’ve tried online dating and I’ve even met people the old-fashioned way, all to no avail because things have changed for me. This in no way means that it’s impossible to date while celibate, it just means that we have to move differently.
For anyone living their best celibate life or considering celibacy, here are some ways to date without feeling like you’ll never find the one.
Put a Curfew on Yourself and Your Phone Calls
During the courting phase, we may speak over the phone more than we see one another. I’d say this is pretty normal although I’ve encountered suitors who were ready to take me to lunch or dinner right away.
Texts, video chats, and phone calls are a cool way to get to know one another without the literal face time. Even though you aren’t physically meeting up with your potential bae, it’s important to set boundaries.
Just as you wouldn’t want to go on an after-hours date, treat your communication the same way. This may change as time goes on, but in the beginning stages, it’s okay to set this boundary because late-night phone calls and texts can easily turn into booty calls and sexts.
Seriously, think about the types of thoughts that may run through a person’s mind late at night or even the types of thoughts that can be sparked just by hearing a certain nighttime voice. We create patterns with our actions so try to set up your situation for success.
Daytime Dating
There’s only so much you can do at night, but when you opt for a date during the day the options are