Coping With Loss On Mother's Day

white flowers
If you’ve lost your mother to either a sudden or a long-term illness or accident, your Mother’s Day may be especially painful. Even if you lost your mother years ago, you may still struggle with depression, sadness, grief or despair.

There are no words…

Grief is grief is grief. It’s something that each person experiences differently and reacts to differently. But…there are some ways to seeking healthy relief from this sometimes overwhelming feeling:

1. Let yourself grieve. Denying or fighting your sadness makes it worse, and isn’t physically or emotionally healthy. Give yourself time to mourn. Go for a solitary walk or drive – invite your partner or loved one if you feel like it. Take some quiet time to reflect and honor your memories. Don’t feel guilty about crying, being angry, or not feeling like doing much of anything. The best thing you can do right now is to be honest with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

2. Reach Out To Others. Talk to a family member, friend, or anyone else who you enjoy being around. If you don’t want to, there’s no reason to directly talk about your grief. Talk about anything that helps you breathe even a little sigh of relief. Similarly, if a friend or family member has recently lost their mother, reach out to them. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable to be around them, but just ask them how they are, or tell them you were thinking about them. Invite them out for a nice meal, a movie, a game of pool, or anything else you think the both of you may enjoy.

3. Show Your Love To Your Loved Ones. If you’ve lost your mom, shower your attention and appreciation on your mother-in-law, aunt, or even an older friend. To ease depression on Mother’s Day, show people you love them.

4. Express your emotions. Whether you like to write, paint, exercise, or garden, do something to get your emotions out of you. Yell, scream, take deep breaths, whisper, punch pillows, etc. Connect with God or the universe. Again, just be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling – and let yourself feel that way.

5. Focus on what brings you joy. Jump into what you love to do! Dig in the garden, go to a funny movie, enjoy a great meal, or get out of town for the weekend. Savor life as best you can. Just think: this is what your mother would want you to do.

Help Is Out There…

If you’re struggling with severe or major depression on Mother’s Day, have thoughts of suicide, or find that your grief is just too overwhelming, contact your doctor, a counselor, or a distress line (such as the ones provided below). Don’t try to cope with this sadness or despair on your own – help is out there!

National Hopeline Network:

Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
Deaf Hotline: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Mom's Head-To-Toe Guide To Staying Healthy

Mother and daughter doing arts and crafts
Children. Family. Friends. Errands. Work. Church. Dinner. Karate lessons. Bake sales. Moms routinely juggle long lists of to-dos from all facets of their lives, except the most important: themselves.

Read: 8 Things You Can Inherit From Your Mother

Moms will drive their kids, and even other people’s kids, to regular pediatrician appointments. They take sick relatives to the emergency room late at night. They will visit sick friends in the hospital.

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But, doing the same for themselves seems impossible. The important question is, how will everyone manage when mom is too sick to take care of them?

Squeezing more time into a jam-packed day takes an act akin to a miracle. And, taking time away from other responsibilities may feel selfish. But, it’s actually — in many ways — a selfless move for Mom and the people she cares for.

Mom should take one or two days at a set time each year (the month of May sounds like a great idea!) and line up appointments to keep herself healthy.

Here’s theGrio’s head-to-toe guide of what to check:

Yearly eye exams

It’s not just about vision — eye doctors can tell early signs of high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes just by looking at the back of eye. Vision can also change with pregnancy or after birth. And around 40, seeing things close up becomes more difficult. Early screening for diseases like glaucoma and problems with the retina can prevent or delay blindness.

Sleep apnea testing

Snorers with daytime sleepiness should discuss the possibility of sleep apnea with their doctors. Typically classified by hundreds of moments of apnea — where a person stops breathing during sleep — the brain doesn’t get enough oxygen during these episodes. The condition can raise the risk of high blood pressure, stroke and mental health disorders. Obese men with certain types of nose structures are most affected, but women are not exempt.

Check those pearly whites

A new statement from the American Heart Association says that, while there’s a link between gum disease and heart disease as previously stated, there is no current proof that troubled gums cause heart attacks and stroke. There is still, however, a link between poor dental care and preterm labor — not to mention the cosmetic aspects. Regular dentist visits are even important for those with dentures: dentists can screen for signs of tongue or mouth cancers.

Thyroid screening

The thyroid gland, located in the neck, controls metabolism. Women are more likely to have difficulties with this organ, causing their metabolism to either speed up or slow down, and, in some cases, cause infertility. As the thyroid speeds up metabolism, women tend to be thin despite eating a lot, feel anxious with a fast heart rate, and have an intolerance to heat.
When it’s slow, women tend to be overweight, with menstrual irregularities, frequently cold and sometimes depressed. Thyroid screening involves blood tests and a physical examination looking for lumps in the gland that signal a deeper problem.

Breast exams and mammograms

Despite the 2009 U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommendations against self breast exams, many physicians and medical practitioners still encourage their patients to perform them. The best time to check is after each monthly period. If you don’t check faithfully, at least see have a physician check at your annual exam. That same task force suggests that the first mammogram should wait until age 50, but discuss your particular case with your doctor. If you have risk factors such as strong family history of breast cancer, the first mammogram could be indicated as early as your 30s.

Heart disease

At least once a year, have your blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol checked for the three main risk factors for heart disease: high blood pressure, also called hypertension, diabetes and high cholesterol. If you already have one of those three conditions, keep your regular appointments and follow your doctor’s treatment plan. If you disagree, discuss it; don’t suddenly stop or start taking medication without guidance. Depending on your age or risk factors, your doctor may schedule a “stress test” to look for any major heart blockages or existing damage.

To read the complete article, visit TheGrio.