You’ve probably only heard of burnout when it comes to your job. However, you can definitely get to that state as a parent, too. Unfortunately, many parents don’t recognize the signs of burnout and accept it as the way things have to be. The effects of this can be devastating to your mental and physical health. It’s much better to know the signs of parenting burnout and take steps to take care of yourself. You’ll be happier and so will your children.
7 Signs of Parent Burnout
1. You’re Always Drained
If you wake up every single day mentally, emotionally, and physically drained, you could have burnout. It can be so bad that you can’t enjoy spending time with your family and often find ways to keep your distance. Sometimes, this drain can manifest in frequent headaches, trouble sleeping, and changes in your appetite. Over time, you may develop chronic health problems like high blood pressure.
2. You’re Feeling Overwhelmed
When you’re juggling too much, it’s easy to start to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, you may have a meltdown when presented with an additional task, no matter how small it is. You simply feel unable to manage one more activity in your schedule.
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3. You Have No Time For Yourself
With everything on your plate, you might not realize that you never have time for your hobbies, quiet time, or social activities. Your life is centered around being a parent, and it has left no room for what makes you happy or feel relaxed.
4. You’re Irritable All The Time
While it’s normal to get irritable occasionally, burnt-out parents show it more often. They’re also more likely to lose their temper with their kids, whether or not they deserve it.
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5. Your Mood Changes A Lot
When you’re in burnout, you may be wrangling feelings of depression, moodiness, and detachment. This is especially likely if you’re dealing with postpartum depression or you have always been prone to episodes of depression.
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6. You’re Used to Being Manipulated
Despite dealing with a lot, you may still be the focus of other people’s manipulation. They’re usually trying to guilt you into doing a task or planning an activity. Even though you don’t have the time or energy to add anything else, the manipulation makes you say ‘yes’.
7. You’re Leaning More on Addictive Coping Techniques
Unlike job burnout, you usually don’t have a vacation to look forward to as a parent. Without the option for a break, parents may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drinking, smoking, vaping, and doing drugs.
Possible Causes of Burnout
The causes of burnout can vary from one person to another. Additionally, one issue may have a more lasting effect than others. However, health experts have been able to identify some potential causes of burnout that you need to look out for.
One issue can be that your schedule is simply too full. You’re juggling so many activities when it comes to your home and children that you’re feeling overwhelmed. Since you don’t feel that you can put any of the tasks down or in the hands of others, you end up stressed and exhausted. Despite the fatigue, though, you’re not getting enough sleep to reset your body or mind.
A related problem is that you’re not getting the help you need. Parents need support. This support can take the form of friends, family, or an actual parent support group. You may also need to outsource some tasks so that you’re not managing everything yourself. Without assistance, it’s easier to be faced with burnout.
A third potential cause is not paying attention to your mental health. Depending on the age of your child, you may be dealing with postpartum depression. Even if your child is older, that doesn’t mean you can ignore increasing episodes of anxiety and depression. If you don’t take steps to address them – such as seeing a therapist – your mental health can worsen and lead to burnout. Parents who are dealing with burnout are also more likely to have recurring thoughts of self-harm.
Finally, not setting boundaries with others can contribute to burnout. Whether it’s other parents in the PTA, teachers at school, or even family members, being asked to do too much can be detrimental to your health. You have to learn how to let people know that you’re not able to do what they’re asking.
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How It Can Affect Your Children
Though the symptoms of burnout mainly affect you, health experts warn that parental burnout affects children as well. When dealing with burnout, parents can become irritable. Unfortunately, their children can bear the brunt of this irritability and irrational anger as they’re the ones who are usually around. They can then become afraid of being around you and experience guilt that they’ve done something to upset you. Over time, they may develop anxiety about interacting with you.
Additionally, some parents who are burnt out admit that they distance themselves from their children. They’re so tired and unable to enjoy family activities that they try to stay away from them. As a result, the relationship they have with their children suffers. While their children accept that their parents don’t want their company, the parent thinks they’re getting the solitude they want.
According to a recent study, parents who have burnout can resort to unhealthy parenting techniques as well because they’re focused on how to get children to do what they want quickly. This practice can lead to coercive or manipulative parenting styles that are harmful over time. These forms of parenting depend on control instead of connection with or an understanding of your child. You can usually recognize them by their use of fear, guilt, or pressure to get the desired outcome.
The Best Habits to Prevent Burnout
Though it can be easy to get to the stage of burnout, it’s neither permanent nor inevitable. With the right habits, you can take care of yourself while still being a good parent. The first step is figuring out what self-care means for you. To determine your personalized form of self-care, you should figure out what wellness means to you, how you know when you’re well, how you recognize stress, what has successfully helped you to cope with stress, and what activities help to keep you grounded.
As you dig into what has worked in the past, you can also explore new things that can be helpful as well. This step is where you address your specific needs instead of what’s popular. When noting your needs, the experts recommend listing them in order of priority. For example, if your most pressing issue is being tired, then it’s a good idea to make time for some rest. If you’re overscheduled, then you need to delegate the tasks that can be done by others.
Often, people consider self-care to be a gargantuan task, but the truth is that you can have a huge impact by starting small. As an example, you can add calming scents to your bedroom that can help you get a good night’s sleep. If scents help you to deal with stress, you can add a few scented items to a small kit that you can carry around with you.
You should also make time for your hobbies. Everyone has activities that bring them joy and relax them. It’s imperative to restart those that you might have dropped or find others that interest you. Studies consistently show that having hobbies can help you manage stress, relax, and boost your cognition. While you can involve others in your hobbies, it depends on how it affects you. If it no longer feels like you’re enjoying it, then it might be better to do them alone.
Avoiding burnout also entails getting other people involved. According to one study, 71 percent of mothers carried the mental load associated with the household. They’re the ones who are planning everyone’s schedules, making appointments, keeping the house clean, and taking care of the meals. It’s essential for you to find ways to share this load. Doing this can include developing shared roles with your partner or reaching out to loved ones for help occasionally. Sometimes, you may benefit from hiring someone else to clean or prepare certain meals.
For those who have persistent mental health issues, it’s critical to get them under control. This may mean seeing a therapist regularly or finally getting an official assessment so you can start the treatment that you need. Keeping your chronic illnesses in check is a part of self-care.
Finally, you should ensure that you have a plan to maintain your healthy habits. They can only be effective if you do them consistently. The need for consistency is another reason that health experts suggest starting small. Studies show that you’re more likely to maintain lifestyle changes when they’re gradual.
Although it’s not talked about a lot, parental burnout is very real, and it can negatively affect everyone in your family. The good news is that it’s never too late to develop the self-care habits that will help you to avoid burnout.
