connection, wanting someone to pay attention and be attracted and lavish you with compliments.
In due time, both partners must examine the role each played in the affair. Discussing personal roles in the affair can be a brutal experience for the partner that was cheated on, especially when they fail to see how they could have even had a role in their partner’s choice to have an affair. The breakdown of communication and intimacy in a relationship lies with both partners. Therefore, it is important to engage in personal examination of both individual roles to best understand how things unraveled.
The spouse that had the affair also needs to be open to discussing what happened if the betrayed spouse needs this. Understandably, the spouse that has been cheated on may want to discuss the affair in detail, such as how they met the person they cheated with, how long the affair went on, was the individual sexually ‘better’ than them, etc. As difficult as it may be, the cheating spouse must be willing to answer these uncomfortable questions as well as offer genuine reassurances.
The person guilty of the affair must examine their personal reasons for straying, and what needs to change to avoid the temptation in the future. As for moving forward, both parties in the relationship should take responsibility for reestablishing trust, improving communication, creating a stronger relationship, and enhancing intimacy.
Cheating spouses or partners can heal from the pain of an affair by:
- Talking about the affair openly and honestly with your spouse
- Taking ownership of your role in the affair
- Honestly answering questions from your spouse about the affair
- Accept that you need to give your spouse ample time to heal
- Understand that trust has been broken in the relationship
- Agreeing to have no further contact with the person involved in the affair
Spouses cheated on can heal from the pain of an affair by:
- Avoiding a rush to judgement
- Working with your spouse to set new rules for the relationship
- Not assigning blame for the affair on the individual your spouse cheated with—your spouse is the one that made a commitment to you
- Avoiding comparing yourself to the other person
- Refraining from tit-for-tat behavior (having another affair or tryst to get back at your partner)
- Avoiding rushing to seek a divorce or breakup
- Seeking individual and/or marriage counseling
After an affair, one of the greatest obstacles…