“If we were made in His image, then call us by our names.” – Erykah Badu, On & On
Friday, September 15, 2017, 6:15pm
As I enjoyed another beautiful sunset in Pacific Beach, San Diego, I watched two parents hysterically laugh as seagulls chased their son around the beach. The poor kid had a couple slices of bread in his hand and was so terrified that he couldn’t think to just drop the slices and end his own misery. Me being a fan of dark humor, I thoroughly enjoyed each and every second of it. I wish I could’ve glued the bread to his hand, but hey, you can’t get everything you want in life.
During this comical turmoil, I felt my phone vibrate and proceeded to read the notification; it’s a message from a good friend of mine affectionately known as “Booby.” The message contained two things: a screenshot of a pie chart with percentage breakdowns and a complimentary text riddled with exclamation points. My initial instinct was to read it later because I didn’t want to miss a second of the pay-per-view worthy event transpiring before my eyes, but I went against my better judgment.
I began to read the results of what came to be his