“Who will want to date me? Who can I trust with this information?” That was the Spring of 1987 and I have come a long way. Yet, I still apply many of my same methods around dating that I did so many years ago. I got over myself and the fear of rejection, quick, fast and in a hurry.
I believe all relationships should start with a honest foundation. I don’t see how a relationship can stand on firm ground without disclosure. Shoot, not just with HIV. I have a girlfriend who dated a guy for two years. He was looking for a job and she made a recommendation, pulling strings on her man’s behalf and come to find out, he was lying by omission about completing college. So when he went to the job interview, he could not produce his degree. She felt totally betrayed. Lies, half truths, important omissions can derail a good thing.
Let’s take HIV, for example. What if I ended up in ER for something related to HIV? How do I even begin to explain to my partner what’s going on with my health? The later you disclose the more complicated it becomes. I felt early on that I didn’t want a man in my life who couldn’t share my struggle.
In full disclosure, today most men know who I am before they approach me for a date. In the age of Google, Facebook and all things social media, it’s just hard for me to take my time, so I disclose on our first real date. Truthfully, because of stigma, I have more men who want to date me privately, but don’t want to be exposed to my public life. But that’s not happening. I decided long ago, if you can’t walk with me in the park in the day light, we can’t do a darn thing in the dark. I’m Just Sayin.
Prior to going public 23 years ago, I would make sure that I really liked a guy before disclosing. After enough dates where my comfort zone with him had reached a good place I would sit him down, usually in a private but neutral space. Definitely not our homes.
By the way, I never talk about…