3. Set A Time Limit
And there are some tricks to dealing with a dysfunctional family visit. Limit the time of your visit, says Tessina, so your date doesn’t have to endure hours upon hours of your father’s booze-driven rants or your brother and sister-in-law’s constant fighting. “The first time a date meets your family should be rather short and sweet,” she says. “If you’re bringing someone home for Christmas, for example, set it up so you only stay for dinner or just come for dessert. Do something time-limited so your date doesn’t sit there with all these strange people for endless hours.”
If you’re visiting your relatives out-of-state, give yourself (and your date) an escape hatch. “You have to be a really socially solid person to handle staying in someone’s house,” says Tessina. “There’s no place for your date to get away, there’s too much new stuff.” Tessina advises staying someplace neutral — like a hotel or a friend’s house — and easing your date into the family fold.
“Bring your date over a couple of days before Christmas to help trim the tree,” she says. “Spend a couple of hours meeting the principals, then when they all converge Christmas Eve, there’s a little something established.”
4. Come Up With A Secret Code
Developing secret signals can also be helpful as a way to navigate around potential rough spots. “Have a silent signal or two that you’ve agreed upon in advance,” says Tessina. “I’ll pinch my husband’s thumb surreptitiously to say, ‘Don’t go there’ or ‘Let’s leave now.’ Also, get an agreement in advance that if you change the subject, your date will go along with it.”
5. Anticipate Surprises
Finally, try to remember that your family will sometimes surprise you with a bit of good behavior. Even though your dad and your sisters may be notorious argument instigators, they may try to be on their best behavior for your new guest…occasionally.