(BlackDoctor.org) — Relationship success is based on two individuals who are able to truly be themselves and celebrate whatever it is that makes their union special. But many people suffer from the inability to think outside of what their friends and family think and stand on their own feet – which makes it very difficult to build a healthy relationship, since healthy, happy relationships are all about two healthy, happy people who are able to think and act for themselves.
Here are a few ways to tell if a person is more concerned with impressing you, or the rest of the world:
1. They’re fine socializing on their own
Can they go out by themselves? If you find that every movie, dinner, getaway weekend, office party or sporting event is all about how many friends they can throw into the mix, be warned — they definitely need relationship buffers so that they don’t have to focus too much attention on you…or themselves.
2. They love their family, but they’re realistic about them, too
A person with a great relationship with their family is a plus, but make sure that they see things realistically. One of the keys to being a fully formed adult is to be able to balance the love for your family of origin with your own views on how you plan on doing things better for your own family. Are they open about some of their family’s flaws? Are they able to differentiate between the ways their family does things and the way they choose to do them? Watch their conversations and interactions with their family for clues.
3. They’re willing to step outside of their social comfort zone
Are they open to trying things with you that may not necessarily be their thing? We all step into relationships with our basic profile of what we think is fun or interesting set in our minds. Test the athlete a bit by suggesting a museum visit or wine-tasting date; offer the finance guru the chance to go to a great indie concert; invite the artist to accompany you to a major company event. Do they seem to challenge themselves by stepping out into the world, or do they hover in a safe zone of their own status quo? If they have diverse friends and interests, then they’re clearly up for taking chances, no matter what others may think, and willing to form their own, more informed opinion based on personal, real-world experiences.
4. They can make up their own mind
Are they able to make major life decisions without their buddies’ help? There are going to be a million times over the course of a relationship where you are going to need to know what they think. You need to be confident that they are giving you their genuine thoughts and opinions, not what his or her friends, family and next door neighbors think.
5. They welcome/crave new information
Are you ever surprised at what they think about a hot news topic or a great new television program? Do they ever sort of sway from the expected response when you discuss current events together? If so, great! This is a clear sign that they are willing to research and form their own views on the world — and that they are their own person.
6. He shows his more vulnerable side – even in public
Do you guys have your own magical relationship world? Are they willing to get sappy or silly with you in an effort to show interest or love for you? Then this is someone who is not afraid to let their softer self shine and be vulnerable around you, no matter what others may think. Their goal is to impress and enthrall you instead of worrying about violating any “code.”
7. They have a healthy work-life balance
We all want a partner that wants to move forward and succeed, but are they able to be yours while climbing the career ladder? Can they put work to the side to speak with you during the day or have an evening out with you after a hard day at the office? What you should be looking for is the well-rounded person, who values doing well in their career, but also knows that there is far more to living than being in the office late every night.
8. They know how to compromise
Do they give you time to state your case? Do they actually listen to you and treat what you said with weight and respect? Do they occasionally come over to your side of thinking? Can they respectfully stand firm on their views when you disagree? These are indicators of someone who is unafraid to be who they are, but clearly realizes that the whole world does not have to feel the same way they do.
9. They’re perfectly fine with being themselves
We’re all given a mental image of what the perfect partner or spouse must be — women and men both carry an internal image that defines what their role in relationships should be. But are they willing to be the person you need, or do they just seem to be going the “typical” route? For example: You ask your guy if, because of your busy workload, he can help cook and clean, but instead of agreeing to help, he makes it clear that it’s not really a man’s job to do housework. Or, you ask your woman to help you fix that leaky sink, and they just look at you as if you’ve lost your mind. Look for someone who is really willing to make sure that you both get the best out of your relationship.