…the key was forgiveness. She told Rachel she forgave all the hurt she had in her past of her rapists who took away her ability to have children, her so-called friends that pushed her in the wrong direction, her father who wasn’t there, her mother, whose drug dependency nearly got her killed…and on and on and on. She said she had found all her life what she had been looking for: validation. Knowing that God’s love is validation for us all. And that with her holding on to hate and anger crippled her for so many years. But it was when she tried for a second time to commit suicide that heard God’s voice.
Rachel knew she had to do the same thing and find out about this God’s love. So she goes around sharing her story to all who will listen about how a poor little junkie turned her life around and has a family now, all due to the love of God.
It changed me too. Made me think that all this time I was missing out on the abundant life, a life free from hurt, anger and false love and I made it my business to stop looking at women in the same way and start being free.
Here’s how I started. Feel free to use these ways yourself.
1. I only speak positive about women I come in contact with — the more I noticed that if I heard myself say something out loud negative about a woman it would stay with me, so I said I would never do that again. I would always find something nice to say or think. I need to hear myself say it. The more I hear it, the more I believe it and the more it becomes real.
2. I actually talked and interacted with women – I know this sounds weird, but a lot of women base their opinions about other women solely on what they THINK that other woman is doing or what they see in their mind. So instead of relying on what others said and not even basing my opinion on what I saw on social media, I would actually go up and TALK to the woman and see for myself. It doesn’t matter if they didn’t come and talk to me first, I would go up and talk to them. I would then be able to see that 9 times out of 10, women were more kind, nurturing and loving than I thought.
3. I surrounded myself with great women – They say if you’re afraid to go swimming, the first thing you need to do is jump in the water. Once I found some great women, I stayed in contact with them, immersed myself around them and shared what I could, but mostly learned from their example. Don’t shy away from the problem, confront it.
4. I was open – So many times, just because we haven’t experienced it, we immediately shut it off in our minds. But there are millions of experiences out there in the world and when women shared with me, I too would share back. That’s how I began to grow. I didn’t just tell them what I wanted to share, I was open and told them my story. The more I did that, the more I saw that these women were just like me. Maybe different families, but we were all the same deep down. That’s what I needed to see and all the negative stuff started to drop off.
5. I gave it to God – I don’t care who you are, sometimes, people are going to try you, both men AND women. And you can’t fight it by yourself. So I would pray, and still pray now, on things that are out of my control. Asking for God to help change me to be better, not change the other person.
Listen, we’ve all got work to do, Lord knows I do. But I’m 10 years older now, a little bit wiser and just wanted to share my little story with y’all. I found myself by loving other women that I used to harbor such hatred against. I am proud to say freely that I AM my sisters keeper!
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