Marriage is the epitome of sacrifice. It becomes your very first priority. Decisions can no longer be made independently, and your partner’s thoughts and feelings become more important. This being considered, if there are accomplishments that you seek to achieve that could affect your marriage, you are bound to find yourself in a compromising position. This becomes especially hard if you are driven by your goals and feel that you have to sacrifice yourself and/or your dreams for the sake of your relationship.
As a newly engaged person, I myself am even beginning to recognize the importance of this more and more. I realized that “distractions” are unacceptable after saying, “I do”. What you may or may not be missing out on, i.e., freedom to make decisions without consulting your spouse, should be understood concessions on your wedding day. Things that you may have wanted to achieve in life that aren’t conducive to you being able to be a committed partner should be done prior to the marriage.
Licensed marriage therapist, Adrienne Laursen, believes in “divorce proofing” a marriage. She says, “When you combine two lives to become one unit forever, it takes some planning to be successful. Talk with your spouse-to-be about what your life together will look like. Think of it as a marriage map. Do you want to travel? Buy a home? Start a family? Where will you live? What are your career goals?” The point is that these goals need to be discussed and compared.
Marriage is a union that both partners should get fulfillment out of. If it is something that you look at as a distraction, the problem at hand could most definitely be you and your planning (or lack thereof) and not your spouse.