… I’d led a charmed life in show business. My mother recognized my talent early, and I did my first play, Fiddler on the Roof, in the second grade. I continued doing theater and taught myself how to act by watching movies and other productions. At 23 I did a play in New York and was asked to try out for Divas, a TV movie originally produced by Quincy Jones. I auditioned for him in L.A. He said, “This girl has It. ”I could have fainted, and I have always cherished that memory. I got the part, booked Jason’s Lyric soon after and the roles kept coming.
But even if you have “It,” you can falter. Ally McBeal was my last Hollywood gig. After that I moved back to my hometown of New York City and stayed there for more than a decade. During that time I worked with many doctors to get as much control of my life as I could and experimented with various treatments including mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medications. I’ve learned to look for the symptoms in myself: getting too euphoric or overstimulated. My bipolar disorder is usually exhibited on the high-energy and manic end. Some people who have the illness are more on the depressive side.
The Transformation…
Before my mind and moods came under scrutiny, my body and I had already gone through a journey. I was a tomboy growing up. Then puberty hit, and seemingly overnight I had a 38DD bra size. I constantly wore sweatshirts and was mad at my body. Then I fell in love as I neared my twenties. When I realized my body could turn a man to mush, it became empowering. I was often the curvy one on set, and I felt beautiful no matter my size. I still enjoy the company of men, although dating has been interesting with my mental health condition. When I was hospitalized, I was in a relationship, and he was terrific about it. We stayed together for a while afterward. I’m not dating anyone seriously now and don’t feel pressured to do so, but I hope The One comes along.
#BlackMomsBeLike ???????????? We ALL can relate! #NewEditionBET pic.twitter.com/DlcnAuNU4r
— #NewEditionBET (@NewEditionBET) January 24, 2017
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The Move Forward…
The best thing about taking a step back was spending time with my mother. She passed in 2011. What brought me through has been medicine, prayer, music and my dog, Josephine. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist regularly and now just take anti-anxiety medication. I’ve returned to L.A. to give my career another try. I’m going on auditions and handling rejection better than I did in the past. We recently had an Ally McBeal reunion for the TV Land Awards. It was wonderful getting dressed up and seeing everyone.
I’m tackling the myth that African-American women have to be pillars of strength. We have the right to fall. We have the right not to always have our sh– together. We just have to take our mental health as seriously as we do the physical. Do not be afraid to go to a therapist or a doctor to make sure everything is fine. I am excited for my new chapter. I now am stronger and ready for what’s next, while taking care of my emotional health.
