second (unplanned) child was exacerbated by the fact that my husband and I hadn’t planned our first two pregnancies and therefore put little “work” into conceiving.
With our daughter turning 6 years old, I am constantly reminded that there is a void in our family, I am “not getting any younger,” and somehow I’m to blame. Very innocently I’ve been warned that I’m not doing something right. If I want more children yet have no baby bump and glowing complexion as proof of my desires then I either don’t want another child or I am simply “doing it” wrong. Whatever the case, all fingers point to me.
Month-to-month my emotional health has faltered with the attestation that conception escaped us…again. The pressure to live up to the romantic idea that womanhood strictly adheres to birthing children naturally and during the desired timeframe is one that I cannot live up to.
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I’m learning to accept that maybe I’m only meant to give birth to one incredible child.
However, I will never accept or subscribe to the idea that the number of children a woman has given birth to is inextricably linked to her womanhood.
My womanhood is not defined by my struggles but by my ability to be transparent about my struggles, share my triumphs, ignore the boundaries and reshape opportunities.
“It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.”
~Dr. Maya Angelou
*Originally published at www.be-quoted.com.
Andrea S. Moore is a native San Franciscan, public health social worker and freelance writer whose work can be seen on Huffington Post, The Guardian, JETmag.com and Clutch Magazine to name a few. Follow her on her blog at www.be-quoted.com and on Twitter @bequotedbyasm.