There is an unfortunate trend and buzz that has emerged across the national landscape as it relates to relationships. The recent events of a few professional athletes, celebrities and others have shed additional light upon domestic violence, skewed relational roles/responsibilities, and how power manifests itself among couples. Fragile egos, poor conflict negotiation skills, inadequate anger management skills and feelings of entitlement prevent couples from being able to sustain healthy relationships.
Even more recently, in the new film starring Morris Chestnut, Sanaa Lathan and Michael Ealy, The Perfect Guy, examines how one person could start off so sweet and then end up turning into something else completely--almost seemingly overnight.
1. Oppositional or aggressive behavior.
If your partner routinely says “No” with an attitude or aggressively confronts you about an issue, then you have been forewarned. Verbal, physical, or sexual confrontation/coercion towards you, his/her family, friends, strangers or animals are warning signs that should not be ignored.
2. Disregard for another person’s belongings or vandalism.
If your partner has ever busted out your windows, keyed your car, slashed your tires, set fire to your clothes, or attempted to maim your pet, you should reconsider the viability of remaining in the relationship.
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3. Saying things like:
- "Nobody gets me like you do."
- "I've never felt this way about anyone before."
- "You're lucky to have me/I'm the prize."
When a sociopath isn't buttering someone up with compliments, they might turn on them by saying things that make the other feel less than. "No one is ever going to love you the way I do" or "I could do better" are just a couple of common phrases a sociopath will say.
A sociopathic person will do anything to get someone on their side, including appealing to what they know to be common aspects of love or relationships. Sociopaths have been known to be very charming in a relationship and even seem very caring towards their partner. But if you anger them or put them down (or they perceive that is what you’re doing), they can turn on a dime and use manipulation to make you feel guilty.
4. Deception by rule violation (e.g., not going to work/school or frequent tardiness).
This goes back to the age-old saying, "do what you say you're going to do." We all have rules to follow in our homes and our jobs and if a person is unable to adhere to those explicit guidelines and norms, then there exists the possibility that they may not have high regards for their life circumstance, themselves or you.
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5. A failure to plan and/or chronic impulsivity.
These “free spirited” folks sometimes have difficulty and rebuke structure. A failure or unwillingness to plan only invites chaos and disorganization. Heightened impulsivity is the main ingredient to not thinking logically and pragmatically about how to solve issues. Beware.
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6. Reckless behavior and/or indifference to one’s own or other’s safety.
Aggressive driving, risk taking behavior or not caring about how his/her actions affect you may make your relationship fertile territory for sociopathic behavior.
7. Failure to honor personal or financial obligations.
Someone who fails/refuses to pick up his/her children from school, pay his/her bills, or routinely breaks promises may show that same disregard in a romantic relationship.
8. A general lack of compassion, empathy, or remorse about wrong doing.
If you are in a relationship where a person demonstrates four or more of the above items mentioned above, then you should consider whether or not your relationship will be healthy enough for you to survive in.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Mental Health center for more articles.
Dr. James Wadley is an Associate Professor and Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He’s a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
