a great goal for you and your child. Whether you decide to sleep train or not, you are a great parent.
While this may not be a popular opinion, setting limits for our children is part of what we do as parents. Children have to learn everything, and sleeping independently is one of those items. The same way you would not intend to carry your baby in a carrier or a stroller all their lives is the same approach we should adopt for their sleep. Likewise, when your child is learning to walk, they may stumble and fall a few times, but that doesn’t mean you go straight to their rescue (except they are in danger) and stop them from learning how to walk.
Here are a few suggestions to deal with the mom guilt around sleep training:
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See independent sleep as a life skill they need to learn: Helping your child sleep independently sets them up for sleep success in the long run. Healthy sleep habits help your child emotionally, physically, and developmentally.
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Realize it doesn’t have to be perfect: Most sleep training methods will take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.You can pick a plan that works for you, depending on your tolerance level. If you realize down the line that the method is overwhelming for you, feel free to switch to a different method
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Be ready to make adjustments: Many women work outside the home and want to spend more time with their kids. They may worry that putting their kids to bed shortly after getting home will decrease the one-on-one time with them. This is a genuine concern. Remind yourself of the consequences of sleep deprivation on your child’s growth and development. When they sleep well, they enjoy the time spent with you. You may need to move things around and make adjustments, such as spending quality time with them in the morning before heading off to work.
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Stay consistent: Sleep training can take a few days to a few weeks. No matter what method you choose to sleep train your little one, make your approach and response as consistent as possible. If your response varies, this creates confusion for your child, who doesn’t know what to expect, which may prolong the whole process. It is ok to switch methods if one isn’t working for you, but the key is trying to stick with it as much as possible. Staying as consistent as possible helps leave out the emotions in the process and makes it easier to follow through.
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Find an outlet: You want what’s best for your child. You want them to be healthy, happy, and successful. A baby that cries during sleep training is protesting this change. Suppose they feel “rescued” each time they experience discomfort. In that case, they miss out on the growth they would have experienced through that discomfort. It’s important not to project your feelings unto your baby when he is crying. Instead, find ways to help you cope; take a bath, take a walk, listen to calming music, and ask for help.
When sleep training, realize your child doesn’t hate you and that you’re not abandoning him. He needs your help to help him learn to fall asleep independently. He needs restful sleep, and so do you.
Are you ready to make sleep a priority, but need help figuring it out? Click here to schedule a one-on-one coaching session with Dr. Brown.
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown, MD is a speaker, an educator, a writer, and the founder of Restful Sleep MD where she helps busy professional women and their children prioritize sleep to not only achieve their optimal health but also thrive and live to their fullest potential. She does this through courses and programs focused on educating and empowering busy professional women to make sleep a priority as a critical pillar of their health.