How can your world turn grey at the same your dreams come true?
Life was my kind of perfect. A new home. A happy marriage. A bubbly wide-eyed toddler. A longed-for newborn, asleep on my chest. I stared at her tiny fingers and toes in awe. My world was perfect in every way.
Until it wasn’t – and my days turned grey.
Every day, I felt inadequate and afraid. I loved my babies but felt that I was bad for them, that I might hurt them. It was overwhelming.
Eventually, it was immobilizing.
I went to a coffee shop and sat outside in the car for fifteen minutes, unable to decide on my order. I drove away sobbing. I didn’t want to be out in public, even with close friends.
So, I retreated into my own world. The conversation became monosyllabic, negative and sullen. I couldn’t think clearly. I held my babies as my tears dampened their faces.
One day, my husband showed me a brochure asking if the information he read sounded familiar. It was a list of symptoms that described my life. I cried. He took my hand and said, “I think it time to see a doctor.”
Within 24 hours I sat in my doctor’s office, knowing the dream of the woman I expected to be was over. Instead, I was at the