Have you ever been around someone who demonstrates a lack of self-confidence through their actions? More than likely, they’re unaware of their self-doubt being put on display, but you know it when you see it. Maybe because you’ve been there… or maybe because you are there, and if so, you’re certainly not alone. Some of our (seemingly) innocent habits are murdering our self-confidence, creeping up on us like trained assassins. Tragic.
Let’s identify these confidence killers and learn how to disarm them.
Perfectionism
One of the most common universal confidence killers is the desire for perfection. It’s the relentless pursuit of flawlessness that simply does not exist. Many of us strive for perfection in everything we do, and when we fall short, we beat ourselves up. This can be extremely harmful for children of parents who obsess over perfection, impacting the way they view themselves.
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Coming from a Virgo (king zodiac of overthinking and perfectionism), it is an exhausting way of life. Beyoncé told us perfection is the disease of a nation, yet here we are.
Being goal-oriented is a great trait to have. But embrace the idea that it’s okay to make mistakes and that growth calls for imperfection.
Set realistic goals. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress.
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Over Apologizing
Do you find yourself constantly apologizing, even when things aren’t your fault? This makes you look unsure of yourself and translates to the rest of the world that you have zero faith in your abilities. Think about it: How can you feel confident when your default response is to apologize for your very existence?
Over-apologizing sends the message that you believe you’re always in the wrong, and that diminishes your sense of self-worth over time.
Reflect on your apologies. Are they warranted? Practice self-awareness and apologize only when necessary. Replace unnecessary apologies with expressions of gratitude or assertiveness. For instance, instead of saying: “Sorry, I’m not good at this”, say: “I’m still learning, and I appreciate your patience.”
Negative Self-Talk
Our inner voice is a powerful force. Unfortunately, many of us allow our harsh inner critic to set the tone and be our own worst enemy. Negative self-talk kills our confidence daily by falsely reminding us that we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or worthy of success. It’s like a natural social repellent because subconsciously, we project our insecurities onto others.
If a friend spoke to you the way you often speak to yourself, you probably wouldn’t tolerate it. Yet, we often accept this relentless negativity from our own minds.
Challenge your negative self-talk. When you catch yourself being overly critical, replace those thoughts with positive affirmations and remind yourself of how capable you are.
Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the kindness you deserve.
Constant Comparisons
Living in the age of social media, it’s way too easy to fall into the trap of measuring ourselves up against highlighted reels and being left with feelings of inadequacy. We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, so when we do this, we undermine what we’ve been blessed with to be someone else’s carbon copy.
Limit your exposure to social media or, at the very least, curate your feed to include more positive influences. Everyone’s path is different, so remain focused on your own journey, track your progress, and celebrate every achievement.
Seeking External Validation
Relying on external validation, such as likes, comments, and praise from others, is a huge confidence killer. When we base our self-worth on the opinions of others, we become vulnerable to their judgments and criticisms, and just like that, we’ve given away our power.
What if you spent hours painting a beautiful work of art and received praise? Do you hang it up and showcase it as one of your most prized possessions?
Now imagine negative feedback on that same work of art. Would you feed it to a dumpster?
Start seeking validation from within. Feedback is cool, but don’t let it make or break you. Recognize your value without the approval of others and know that you are deserving of success regardless of what others say or think. Self-acceptance is the best acceptance.
Fear of Failure/Avoidance of Challenges
This is the confidence killer that keeps us from reaching our full potential. When we hide from challenges to avoid the possibility of failure, we stagnate and become prisoners of our comfort zones. Are you going to hide forever?
If inventors had succumbed to their fear of failure, our world would be deprived of innovation.
Embrace challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Mistakes are inevitable. The more you confront your fears, the more confident and resilient you become.
Don’t let these habits murder your self-confidence. Protect it like VIP Beyoncé tickets.
If you recognize any of these habits, take action; however, give yourself grace; it will not happen overnight. Embrace your imperfections, tell your inner critic to have a seat, and step boldly into a world where your self-confidence thrives.
