People who are depressed have a lot on their mind and with that a lot of questions they try to answer themselves: what happened, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do anything right? Wouldn’t people be better off if I was dead?
But to make things worse, they often feel isolated and misunderstood because of something silly a friend or family member said. Don’t let that be you. Here are some phrases never to say:
1. What NOT to say:
“There’s always someone worse off than you are.”
What to say:
“You’re not alone in this.”
Depression has a way of singling out a person and putting it in their head that they are the ONLY ones expereicneing this or who have ever experienced this. That’s why many people who face depression want to be alone. Depression feeds off of loneliness. You saying “you’re not alone in this” helps them to know that others have not only experienced this, but have made it through.
2. What NOT to say:
“No one ever said that life was fair.”
What to say:
“You are important to me.”
This comment treats depression like it’s a choice, as if the person suffering is choosing to be in a sad mood. Nobody chooses to be depressed. If it were that easy, we’d choose not to be. The comment, “You are important to me” reminds them that even though they may not value themselves at this point, someone (you) still value them.
3. What NOT to say:
“It’s your own fault.”
What to say:
“When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.”
Even if it may be a course of action from your friend that led him or her to this point, playing the blame game doesn’t help, nor does it change the situation. Many times, it can make it worse. The course of action to follow is to identify the problem and set a course of action to rectify it. The phrase, “when all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you” speaks volumes that 1.) things will work out and 2.) the situation isn’t dire to harm themselves or other people.
4. What NOT to say:
“Maybe you just need a vacation.”
What to say:
“As your friend, I’m here for you.”
Packing bags and heading off to someplace relaxing isn’t going to alleviate true depression. “The depression stays with them, [and] they may even feel worse because they feel guilty for not feeling better,” says Norman Sussman, MD, a professor of psychiatry at New York University’s Langone Medical Center.
5. What NOT to say:
“Let me know if I can do anything.”
“Let’s talk through how I can specifically help you”
People oftentimes have the best intentions but produces the worst outcomes. Your actions have to match your words. It’s important that if you really want to be there and help someone, that you do what you say you’re going to do. If you don’t follow through on your promises, your lack of action could easily feed your friend’s depression.
Now, that you’ve heard all of those, here are some other runner-up phrases to never say:
“You’re always feeling sorry for yourself.”
“Why can’t you just be normal?”
“Things aren’t *that* bad, are they?”
“You don’t *look* depressed!”
“You’re so selfish!”
“You never think of anyone but yourself.”
“You’re just looking for attention.”
“Have you got PMS?”