Meet Rachel Rickett. A bright-hearted selfless entrepreneur who found her calling through a time of loss. Aiding an ill mother through her final stages of life and putting loved ones to rest, this young certified death doula and grief couch teaches people how to navigate through life’s ups and downs while also giving them a reason to simply breathe… Read her story:
BlackDoctor.org (BDO): Let’s start from the moment you decided to create loss&found. When did the makeup of this service and platform come to you?
Rachel Ricketts (RR): I’ve endured grief of many forms in my life starting from childhood so in that regard loss&found has been brewing in my bones from way back, but I finally had the courage to bring it into the world after helping my mother die in 2015. She battled multiple sclerosis for nearly 20 years which left her a quadriplegic in unfathomable pain.
After she died I experienced loss and depression on a level I had not known possible and it felt like no one understood. I started loss&found as a platform for folks to come together and share their experiences of moving through loss and grief, but I quickly realized that people were also in dire need of palpable, practical help to move through the grief that arises from all the challenges we face in life so I became a certified death doula and grief coach so I could guide folks through their dark night of the soul, no matter its source.
I believe grief isn’t merely about death, it’s a daily part of life. From heartbreak, racism, sexism, war, abuse, stress/burnout, incarceration, infertility/miscarriage etc., there are hundreds of forms of loss and they inherently include grief. I define grief as a natural response to a loss or change of any kind. Despite its prevalence, our culture is grief-averse.
There are too few spaces where we can be real about our experiences and feel seen, heard and supported during the tough times, however, they may manifest. This is especially true for marginalized communities that endure unspeakable trauma on a regular basis and rarely have an opportunity to stop and honor or acknowledge all we’ve been through. In the wake of my mother’s death I was also dealing with chronic pain from a car accident the year before, loss of identity having left my career as a private-practice corporate lawyer, the deaths of my favorite uncle, my partner’s father and my godfather and navigating a racist, patriarchal world as a Black woman.
That’s why I created loss&found. To be of service to those who need it most during the hardest times of their lives, and help folks manifest more joy through connection with self and spirit.
BDO: You speak openly about the loss of your mother, family members and unforeseen tragedies you’ve experienced. How did you get to this point of acceptance and candidness?
RR: It was less of somewhere I got to and more of what I needed to ensure my own survival. I have always been an honest, open person and my healing required the same elements. I needed to express my pain and exorcise my sorrow by naming it and putting it into words. We are so often socialized to suffer in silence.
To keep our wounds to ourselves, and this does great harm both on an individual and collective level. The more we can get comfortable with our own discomfort, the more we can lean into our own vulnerability and be claiming whatever we’ve been through, the more likely we are to find our own healing and to be equipped to show up for ourselves and others.
BDO: As a certified wellness and grief coach, what would you suggest are the first steps to healing after a loss?
RR: As convenient as it would be there is no “one-size fits all” when it comes to healing. We are all unique beings with individual needs, perspectives and experiences. With that in mind, one of the most helpful things we can do to begin to heal our own heart is to acquaint ourselves with our deepest needs and desires, so we can start to learn what it is that will most be of service to and for us.
There are many ways to do this but I find mindfulness is the most efficient way. Whether it is meditation or simply partaking in an activity that brings us home to ourselves in some way – anything from working out, cooking, journaling, dancing, drawing, sitting in silence, something that allows you to reside in the present moment and start to answer “what is it my heart most needs right now?”.
And once we’ve found the courage to actually ask the question and create space for the answer, doing our best to listen to the answer and get proactive about heeding to whatever it is that arose. For many of us, time, space, boundaries, allowing ourselves to feel sad are all things that our heart needs to help to begin to process our loss in a way that most serves our best and highest good.
BDO: Grief is often a very heavy and tough topic, what is your specialized approach to your clients and members?
RR: Grief is heavy but it is a natural and inherent part of life, so the ways in which we deal with loss and death and grief are really how we’re dealing (or not dealing) with the fullness and complexity of our lives. My specialized approach is to hold space for folks to get comfortable with their discomfort, then unpack the ways in which grief influences and impacts all of us on a daily basis so we can use that as a framework to understand how we have been dealing with loss and grief thus far, and how that is or is not serving us in the present moment.
From there I guide folks through spiritual and practical tools for healing their own heart, be it badass breathwork, yin yoga sequences, meditation or DIY exercises, there are so many offerings available to help us come home to ourselves and remember that everything we need to heal our own heart is already within us. When I work with clients they get an invisible fanny pack of full accessible tools to takeaway and refer back to so they are more able and empowered to navigate life’s highs and lows.
BDO: If you could give some words of encouragement to someone currently grieving, what would you say to them?
RR: There are no words to make up for your loss but I want you to know that you do not have to move through this challenging time on your own. Let go of any preconceived notions ofhow your grief “should” feel or look like and do your best to simply allow (and it’s okay if that isn’t so simple). Feel all the feels (whatever they may be), take as much time as you need and stay true to you and your process.
BDO: You’re moving in your passion and always cultivating something new, do you have anything in the works you would like to share with us?
RR: Yes! I’m writing a book about the many manifestations of grief and my spiritual offerings for how to heal your heart and manifest more joy. I will also be rolling out more content to help us unpack and address our collective grief in the wake of global issues like #MeToo, Black Lives Matter and terrorism and offer tips and tools for helping create lasting social change, so stay tuned for all of that!
Find out more about Rachel and loss&found at www.lossandfoundxo.com or follow her at @rayray3000.
Tia Muhammad, BS, is an award-winning freelance content & media creative, copywriter, blogger, digital designer, and marketing consultant. She owns the boutique content and digital media company, jackieGLDN|studio.