In just a couple of weeks, we will enter into the Thanksgiving season. The time period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day is one that is often ripe with festivities, family gatherings, parties, and other joyous occasions. Many of us look forward to this time of the year and all of the merriment that comes along with it.
However, for some people, the holidays can be a very difficult time. For some, rather than being sociable or spending time around people, they’d much rather spend time alone. This may be normal for some people, but social isolation may be a sign that someone has the holiday blues, especially if they’ve experienced the death of a loved one or friend.
According to the American Psychological Association, “ Human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives. But some people may struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel unable to carry out daily activities. Those with severe grief may be experiencing complicated grief. These individuals could benefit from the help of a psychologist or another licensed mental health professional with a specialization in grief.”
For many of us, we may desire to help, especially during this time of the year. So, what can you do if a friend or loved one is dealing with grief? Here are 3 suggestions that may help you to help someone during this holiday season.
1. Allow Your Friend to Grieve
“It will be ok,” sounds like a great way to reassure someone who is going through a rough time. The reality is that when you are dealing with death and/or someone dying, it doesn’t feel like everything will be ok. So, rather than trying to smooth everything over, allow your friend to grieve in a way that he/she needs to.
This may include respecting someone’s desire not to attend social events or someone’s wish not to put up decorations or engage in holiday gatherings. The key thing is to be supportive. If someone doesn’t want to go out, maybe you can offer to visit or you can offer a gift card to his/her favorite restaurant.
2. Listen and Learn
Sharing memories about one’s loved one can be cathartic. Your friend may want to share memories and or pictures and artifacts. As you provide a listening ear, allow your intuition to guide you. Sometimes listening may be all that someone needs. In other instances, asking questions will provide the person who is grieving with a chance to share new memories with you.
Whatever you do, don’t push. Allow your friend to lead the conversation both in terms of the conversations’ content and pacing.
3. Be Patient
Although time may not heal all wounds, it does have a way of providing us with perspective. As a good friend, one of the greatest gifts that you can offer someone who is grieving is the gift of being patient. There is no timetable for healing nor is there a correct way for someone to heal. During the holiday season, especially, we all tend to be busy and on the go. Slowing down and simply being present with someone in need can make a significant difference.
As we prepare for the next 6 weeks, just remember that this season may be a difficult one for others. Be considerate and be empathetic while also recognizing that the things that you really enjoy may not be enjoyable for someone else.
Tyra Seldon, Ph.D. is a former English professor turned writer, editor and small business owner. Passionate about the English language and the craft of storytelling, she launched Seldon Writing Group, LLC in 2011. Dr. Seldon has worked with education tech companies, celebrities, aspiring writers, entrepreneurs, media outlets, Fortune 500 companies, and government agencies to develop their written content. When she’s not writing, she’s traveling the world, one continent at a time. She can be reached at dr.tyra@seldonwritinggroup.com
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