Do you remember the 2003 Black American comedy blockbuster, Love doesn’t cost a thing? Specifically, do you recall the scene where Steve Harvey attempts to teach his son (played by Nick Cannon) how to use a condom? Yuck!
Trust me, there are few conversations as uncomfortable for parents as telling their kids about condoms. Despite the impressive explosion in the adoption of teen sex education, the topic of sex yet remains an extremely sensitive one in traditional African American families – one which the majority of Black parents wish they can entirely avoid.
Sorry, the United States is the beacon of freedom – both politically and sexually, and you can not totally prohibit your children from contact with the opposite sex.
It is not uncommon to find parents who see giving their kids condoms as direct approval of their sexual escapades. It is no secret that many parents prefer their beloved wards abstaining from sex entirely. But how possible is this in the 21st century?
Before we dive in any further, how about we peep at the statistics to better understand the sexual dynamics of modern society?
What does data say?
We all lie, but numbers rarely do. And the number remains pretty clear that teenage pregnancy is a disguised pandemic in America and the world at large.
In the United States, 194, 377 babies were born to underage girls, typically within the age spectrum of 15-19, in 2017. This implied 18.8 girls in every 1000 American girls (between 15-19) gave birth. Agreed, this was an impressive drop of 7% from the numbers recorded in 2016.
Well, 194,000 might sound like a trivial number, but for context, I would be damn rich if I have $194k sitting in my bank account!
The United States is just a tiny slice of the global menace of teenage pregnancies. Do you know that an estimated 12 million girls within the same age cluster of 15-19 (and at least 777,000 girls below 15 years) give birth every year in the developing world?
And to think that Black American teens are at an increased risk of teenage motherhood (compared to Whites) is even more disheartening. Statistics from the CDC reveal that birth rates in non-Hispanic black teens were almost twice the rate for non-Hispanic white teens.
But pregnancy is only one-half of this bitter pie. There is an enormous risk of your child contracting STDs upon having unprotected sex.
An estimated 20 million new sexually transmitted infections are reported in the U.S. each year. But here is what will blow your mind. Teens – typically between 15-24 years– account for 50% of these new STDs littering American communities. For perspective, one in every 4 American teens contracts an STD each year!
Alarming, isn’t it?
Where do we go from here
Given this disheartening reality, you don’t need an MIT degree to know your kid would be exposed to situations where they would make sexual decisions. You can’t guarantee them choosing the hard abstinence option always…but yes, you can at least protect them.
Here is what you should do. Thoroughly educate them on sex, be supportive, and listening, and yes, provide them with condoms if need be. The truth is many parents are not aware of when their kids make these sex decisions.
Certainly, you can’t pile up condoms on the dining table for your kids. That is not being supportive. Being supportive in its genuine meanings means being an “active partner” in your kid’s sexual journey.
Parental care exceeds providing the turkey on Thanksgiving. You must be emotionally available for your kids, especially in sensitive matters relating to sex and their relationships. The more you stay away from this critical function, the more sexually vulnerable your kids become. Simple!
Your kids must be able to trust you enough to open up that cupboard of sexual secrets to you. They should tell you when they are developing sexual attraction for an individual and when their partners (in a relationship) are pressuring them into unprotected sex.
More than just providing a condom for your child, teach them safe sex. Sex education is not a one-off conversation either. It must be regular, accurate, and concise. Come on, don’t go into panic mode when the talk comes to condoms, be calm and assured.
As hard as it may appear, use the right words for genitals when teaching them about condoms. It won’t help if you disguise it with euphemistic slangs.
Lastly, don’t try to escape the questions your curious child would throw at you when the topic comes on. No doubt, the discussion isn’t as jolly as that on the next movie you guys will be watching on Netflix, but it has to be done anyways.