Nope…I’m Not Going To Let You Make My $@#&% The Demon!

african american couple play fighting in bed( — I am not going to let a man or anyone else for that matter,  make my vagina the demon in the relationship. That’s exactly what I told my girlfriend who is also living with HIV today. She just got a new boyfriend and they are talking about sex, i. e., “How does one have sex with someone with HIV?”

It’s interesting how, in a relationship when one partner is infected and one is not, all the attention goes to the infected person in the relationship. Like everything begins and ends with their infection. It’s the same thing with herpes. All the attention is on the infected person, not infecting the non-infected person. And I understand this on a whole lot of levels. I mean, no one wants to be the person to infect another.

But I just gotta say,  as an infected person, we spend all our time concerned about not infecting our partner, but do we ever consider that person may infect us not only with another strain of HIV, but with a whole host of sexually transmitted  diseases? Let me tell you, the last thing a person with HIV should want is another STD, especially one that cannot be cured, like herpes, hepatitis and HPV. You all have been chronicling my ordeal with herpes. And the only reason it’s so severe is because I have AIDS. Without an immune system to help me fight, herpes has made my life hell.

But back to the point. Why do we put all the attention on the infected person? So this guy my girlfriend is seeing, has suggested that maybe they don’t really need to use a condom since her viral load is non- detectable.  She called me to talk it over. Well, actually I think she called for me to cuss her the hell out and give her a real reality check.  Close your mouths, yes there are men out there willing to have sex with a woman infected with HIV and not use a condom. I’ve been there too many times. And it has been an up-hill battle. For Real.

So here’s the deal, a non-detectable viral load does not mean that you no longer have HIV, it just means that the virus is in your body fluids at very low levels. And, it is true that a low viral load makes ones risk for transmitting the virus lower, but not impossible.  Recent research even says having sex with an HIV infected person on HIV antivirals lowers the risk of infection.