(BlackDoctor.org) — Love. Most of us remember, or are at this very moment, feeling the raptures of new love. But what about the other side? Many of us who’ve experienced the joys of love have also experienced the unfortunate fact that love doesn’t always last.
Even if you were raised on a rich diet of fairy tales, you know that “’til death do us part” and “forever” can actually be pretty rare things. Even staying with someone forever is no guarantee of experiencing lasting love.
The ending of love leaves us sad. Depressed. Angry. Confused. Swearing that we’ll never fall in love again. And wondering many things, such as why do people really fall out of love? Is there anything we can do to make love stay? Do some of us give up too easily?
Here are what relationship experts have to say about some of the common reasons people fall out of love:
Emotional Distance. A sudden need to distance yourself can topple a good thing if you let it. Ken Page, psychotherapist and author of the Finding Love blog for Psychology Today and founder of the Deeper Dating website, has identified a phenomenon that can destroy new love: Sometimes we unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth.
“When someone is available and decent,” Page explains, “something inside us knows that this person can get to our nest, our soul — the place where we care the most and can be hurt the most. And our unconscious gets panicked.”
If you find yourself breaking up with someone awesome for no good reason, check yourself; you might be acting out of fear.
Lack of Effective Communication. Unwillingness to discuss relationship problems can kill a relationship. Once people start a great new relationships, many forget to communicate with their partner regularly. Guy Winch, Ph.D., author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem, says that people fall out of love because they don’t talk through their relationship peeves with each other.
“Research shows that couples who are able to voice complaints well and discuss them productively have greater marital satisfaction and much lower divorce rates than couples who are unable to do so,” says Winch.
If you’re in a newer relationship, iron out the kinks early on to keep love alive over the long haul. “It is much easier to address issues earlier in a relationship than later, just as it is much harder to mold cement once it has dried and hardened,” Winch adds.
