When I was growing up, I had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. On one hand, I was exhilarated to see the excitement caused by the day. I mean, the anticipation of what “he” was going to do to celebrate the women in my life made me absolutely giddy.
Admittedly, I took advantage of the holiday in the past. The haze of impending romance acted as a drug that kept women intoxicated with the hope of love.
Then one day, I took a step back and saw what was happening to me and my male friends. We were running around buying candy, roses, cards, and gifts while making reservations at the finest restaurants and hotels. It became a competition. The V-Day Games! The men would try to outdo each other as if the more money they spent, the more love they had for their significant other.
The women would also enjoy sharing “how much he loved me” by detailing the evening’s escapades.
The cycle would rinse and repeat year after year. I had to get out of it.
There had to be a better way to show your love than the gratuitous waste of a month’s salary or more? So, I decided at that moment, I was no longer celebrating Valentine’s Day.
This is the first time I’ve written down my reasoning. I hope you are reading this with an open mind. You don’t have to agree with me, but I hope you understand.
Five Reasons I Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s Day
- Winning the Competition Became the Goal - I mentioned this earlier, but it needs to be repeated. I watched friends take more pride in how much they spent on Valentine’s Day, than making their significant other happy and feel loved. It went from cards to roses and a walk on the beach to helicopter rides and weekend getaways. Does spending more mean you love her more?
No. It just meant that you (and she) had more to brag about to friends. In fact, in 2022 men are predicted to spend almost twice as much as women, on average, for Valentine’s Day, $235 vs $119. That’s not a coincidence. - Spending Became an Expectation - The biggest challenge to any relationship is expectations - realized or unrealistic. Each year, more than $23.9 billion (yes, with a “B”) is spent on Valentine’s Day, making it the third-priciest holiday on the calendar for U.S. consumers.Additionally, survey data shows that 36% of people expect their Valentine to spend at least $50 on a gift, 54% (over half) would break up with their partner if they spent irresponsibly, and 70% say receiving a gift for Valentine’s Day is important to them. When did we lose sight of the meaning behind buying gifts for our partners?Is it because we have to, or because we want to?
- Sweetest Day is Rarely Celebrated - Do you know when and what Sweetest Day is? Well, it's mainly a day for women to treat their close male friends, husbands, or boyfriends with gifts of candy and other sweet gestures. No one I’ve previously dated, nor my wife has celebrated this day. In fact, it wasn’t until I started doing research for this article that I learned the day existed.Now, you could say that “men don’t want that” or “there are too many holidays so we can’t know them all”. At the same time, why is Valentine’s Day so important and this one an afterthought?
- I Got Better Responses from Random Gifts - The expectation of an “expression of love” on Valentine’s Day lowered the excitement of the response each year. This is why the need to outdo last year and your friends came into play. Candy, cards, and a stuffed animal wasn’t enough anymore. Gifts had to be “leveled up”.However, I noticed the response I would get would be better and more sincere when I would buy a random gift for my partner. I had and have no problem spending money on gifts, but doing it when it’s not expected was much better. Plus, it made me think about doing something for her more often than just the usual days (birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.).
- Love is 365 Days, Not Just One - Maybe I’m being a contrarian. Maybe I enjoy going against the “normal way of doing things”. At the same time, are we doing our relationships a disservice by making such a big deal out of one day? Shouldn’t we be focused on what we can be doing every day to make our significant other feel special? These questions may be rhetorical, but I hope I’m making my point. It is estimated that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Could it be that specifying a day to make your partner feel “special” is having the opposite effect?
Ultimately, I don’t want Valentine’s Day to end and frankly, I couldn’t end it if I tried. For many people, Valentine’s Day may be one of the few times their partner goes out of their way to show their affection. I don’t want to change that for anyone. What I want is for people to take a step back and realize what expectations they have about Valentine’s Day and is their enjoyment of the day and impression of their partner impacted by what happened, or didn’t happen, on Valentine’s Day? And if they didn’t get what they wanted, will it impact the other 364 days of the year?
