Rejection is awful. After gathering the courage to approach someone you’re interested in or already have feelings for, the last thing you want to hear is, “Oh, you’re sweet but I don’t feel the same way.” Believe me, I’ve had to deliver that line to quite a few guys and it hurt me every time. I can only imagine how it made them feel. So, in return, I’ve rounded up a few tidbits that might help our fellas stuck in the friend zone find love. Here are 6 reasons why she isn’t your girl yet.
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1. Simply Put, You Just Don't Have Chemistry
Admittedly, successful relationships run on more than chemistry but in the early stages, it’s critical. Recognize when she's just not that into you early on, and move on.
What You Can Do About It
If all signs are pointing to her liking you, but for some reason, there’s still a firm friendzone boundary up, don't get down on yourself. Listen to her when she says, "You're great, but you're not my type" because it's most likely the truth. You’re awesome, but she’s looking for a different type of awesome. Move around and align yourself with someone that’s looking for someone just like you.
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2. She's Having A Life Transition
Is there a huge change in her life like the death of a parent or the loss of a job? This might not be a good time for her to open a can of romantic emotions for anyone just yet. She’s already drained and/or confused enough.
What You Can Do About It
Absolutely nothing. Be a good friend if you can handle being just that. Lower your romantic expectations. Most importantly, please don’t prey on her vulnerability.
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3. Personality Clashes
There’s some validity to the Love Languages theory and the Myers-Briggs personality types test. Assessing upfront whether a person fits into a certain behavioral category will definitely help you both down the line. Of course, it doesn’t mitigate all possible issues, but it at least helps you foresee certain challenges in the future.
What You Can Do About It
Sit with yourself. Take the personality test and find out what makes you YOU. Try not to go after people who don't share those same traits, and open your heart for those that might align with your known personality markers. It’s easier to have friends from all walks of life because surface experiences are easier to maintain. But a potential lifemate or relationship partner is something different entirely and requires a certain level of unshakable compatibility.
4. You Don’t Take Care Of Yourself
You can’t smell bad and expect a new girl to just not care about it. You could have the best personality, insane chemistry, and every interest in common, but if you don’t smell good...that's a definite deal-breaker. Does she slightly lean away when you say something to her? Is she always the one to let go first when hugging?
What You Can Do About It
Shower every day, work out regularly, maintain a balanced diet and invest in one good cologne. It’ll make all the difference in the world. I PROMISE.
5. She's Interested In Someone Else
This is very simple. You'll know she's interested in someone else if she says "I'm seeing someone" or "I like someone else" or "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend."
What You Can Do About It
Back off. She's in a relationship and it's not with you. If you really like her and you're having trouble handling how unavailable she is, try to distance yourself from her. If she's someone you work with, only interact at work and only when you have to. If it's a friend, tone down the friendship. Don't torture yourself.
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6. You're a Nice Guy
And not in a good way. This might apply to you if:
-You purposely do nice things in front of her just for cool points, but wouldn't think to do them if she weren't around.
-You think that if someone isn't attracted to you there's something categorically wrong with them.
-You believe that every person your love-interest dates is terrible.
-You have a savior complex when she doesn’t need saving.
Bottom line, great girls like humans who act like humans. People who do good for people because it’s just the right thing to do, and because they WANT to do it. Keep that in mind the next time you Instagram live your next volunteer effort.
What You Can Do About It
Assess what really drives you to do good things. If it’s for compliments or acceptance, you may have to do a self-pivot. Using good deeds to manipulate a situation to get the thing you want is not only messed up, it’s obvious.
Jasmine Browley holds an MA in journalism from Columbia College Chicago, and has contributed to Ebony, Jet and MADE Magazine among others. So, clearly, she knows some stuff. Follow her digital journey @JasmineBrowley.
