A partner is meant to provide love, support and help you to evolve as an individual and a couple. But when you find a relationship lacking, or as a source of pain and fear, it may be time consider other options.
Read: The 10 Traits Of Highly Successful Realtionships
After deep soul-searching, you may come to realize that for your own well-being you may need to step away from the relationship. Once you’ve admitted this to yourself you may be flooded by fear, guilt, or uncertainty. How do you know you’re doing the right thing? And what steps do you take to get there?
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Here are some signs that your relationship may be over and it's time to move on:
The Trust Is Gone
Whether your partner had an affair or they just simply don't keep promises, trust is hard to rebuild. If you feel like you can't trust the person in your corner, it's a roadblock that prevents any meaningful connection. Trust is the foundation of a committed relationship, and a lack of it hollows out a relationship from the inside. In order to regain it, both partners need to focus not only on trust itself but on the root of problems which led to a breakdown in the first place.
Your Goals No Longer Align
Maybe in the beginning you both wanted the same thing. But as you have grown, those goals have grown apart. One of the hardest disconnects to accept in a relationship is when partners want different things. No matter how deeply you care for each other, if you're not planning for the same goals in life, it's difficult to realign your hopes. Sometimes even relationships with a great deal of love can be stymied by goals that are totally different. Desires for children, professional dreams, or where you'd like to live are common aspirations that couples struggle with. There can be hope with compromise, but without that, the warning signs are hard to ignore.
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You’re feeling completely unappreciated.
If you feel like every single good thing you do goes unnoticed, you need to make a change. You should never feel like your hard work is pointless. Your effort should be appreciated. It should be admired. If others are unable to see how much you’re doing for them, and don’t even muster up a thank you every once in a while, then you might want to think about saying your goodbyes. You might be more appreciated elsewhere.
If you feel like this, here are nine tips to get out of a mediocre relationship and reclaim your life.
1. First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself.
If you are even considering whether you should get out of a relationship, chances are something has been happening for quite some time to make you feel upset. Ask yourself some basic questions like:
- Do I feel energized or drained after I spent an hour with my partner?
- Do I want to spend time with him/her or do I feel like I have to?
- Do I go to my partner looking for a response that I never get?
- Do I come away consistently disappointed by his/her comments and behavior?
- I giving way more to the relationship than my partner?
If most of the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, maybe it is time to look after your own emotional needs.
2. Clarify the problems by keeping a record.
If you are still undecided whether you should get out of this relationship, start keeping a record of things in this relationship that make you feel consistently bad. It could be that you are weak and scared of striking out on your own or a feeling of worthlessness and shame that you are suffering from. If you find your emotional log consistently featuring negative self-perception, then you can be pretty sure you are caught up in a bad relationship.
3. Figure out what’s keeping you there.
All relationships, even unhappy ones, offer certain perks or else why would anyone continue to put up with them. So consider that could be keeping you tied to your partner; it could be, for instance, the security you share even though there is no love or it could be that your partner make you feel attractive and sexy again even though this doesn’t keep him/her from disrespecting you or putting you down always. Determining what, specifically, you are getting from this relationship will help you to gauge if the perks are worth the constant unhappiness and perhaps help you find other sources of self-validation.
4. Assemble a support team.
Ending a relationship is one of the loneliest experiences and there is no reason why you should have to go through it alone. So as you start the, invest time and effort in building a close circle of family and friends who will provide you with emotional support as...
...well as a positive outlook. Reach out to them and ask for help through these difficult times. Chances are that people close to you already know how unhappy you are in your present relationship. Don’t hesitate to surround yourself with people who really care about you.
5. Just do it.
Once you are emotionally ready to put an end the relationship, give it to them straight. Unless you fear for your physical safety, do it personally – breaking up by email, text or even over the phone should be avoided as far as possible. Just in case, prepare yourself for an emotional outburst or even emotional blackmail from your partner in an attempt to keep you back. Express yourself in a calm, precise manner and then allow him/her to respond. Hear whatever they have to say but don’t get trapped in accusations, counter-accusations and justifications. Keep in mind that you have made your decision and are here simply to let them know.
6. Allow yourself time to grieve.
Even if the move to get out of the relationship has come from you, it is sure to bring its share of pain. So allow yourself a few days to feel sad. Pull down the blinds, put on some soulful music and have a good cry. Do whatever is necessary to work the misery out of your system. But please avoid drinking binges, drug-taking or any other risk-taking behavior. Everything will be just fine.
7. Give yourself a treat.
Many a time it is difficult to leave an unhappy relationship – opting out seems too much effort and it is easier to lapse back into the way things were. In order to prevent this from happening, reward yourself with something nice after each stage of getting out. For instance if you have been able to go on a whole week without calling or mailing your recent ex, treat yourself to a brunch at your favorite restaurant.
8. Keep your schedule booked.
One of the best ways to leave behind an unhappy relationship is to stay busy. Even the otherwise mind-numbing routine of a domestic life – taking out the trash, shopping for supplies, filling up the gas tank – can motivate you to continue with your regular life and thus come out of your house, instead of giving way to loneliness and depression. Stay moving. Keep your head up.
9. Don’t go looking for a rebound.
Once out of an unhappy relationship, you may be eager to get back to dating scene. But remember, rebound affairs never work because you are just not emotionally ready for a new relationship. And even if you are not serious about it yourself, it’s not fair to the other person who may not be aware of your real feelings. It’s best to make sure you healed before you get back out there. Take your time.
