There’s nothing about being in a sandwich generation situation that’s delicious. Extra responsibility. Extra time demands. Extra commitments. Extra duties. Extra stress.
It is a mixed blessing when it comes to caring for someone with early Alzheimer’s. You feel blessed to have your loved one still around, but burdened by what caring means and requires. That loved one’s memories disappear, and the caregiving demands increase as the course of the disease over time turns you into a stranger before their eyes. The harder you try to hold on, the more the person you knew and loved seems to slip away.
When facing early Alzheimer’s, you must play the hand you are dealt, as the game and its rules are constantly changing. Worrying about how unfair it is for this to happen at such an early stage and so quickly can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t help the situation. So, you continue to move forward.
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While you may not be able to replace the memories your loved one is losing, you can keep the memories you cherish alive for a longer time. Here are some suggestions on how to:
- Capture and preserve new memories.
- Access and reinforce past memories.
- Create a memory-supportive environment.
- Adjust your communication style.
While it doesn’t alter the difficult reality of the diagnosis, it can assist you and your support system—if you have people willing and able to help—in managing the changes that come with early Alzheimer’s.
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1. Capture and preserve new memories
This suggestion for preserving memories is about capturing experiences for you and future generations, rather than focusing solely on a loved one with early Alzheimer’s. This is a gift that allows us to pause the present before all the memories slip away, leaving you both as strangers to each other, treading water in the deep end of loss that threatens your legacy. Try as best you can to hold on to your loved one’s essential qualities that define them. Here’s how:
Create “life story”/ memory books
To recreate your loved one’s story or memories, create a memory book filled with meaningful items such as photographs, souvenirs, documents, and personal memorabilia. This helps with long-term memory stimulation and can even redirect or calm your loved one should they become upset or agitated.
Make video or audio recordings
There’s nothing complicated about making a video or an audio recording of your loved one. Take the time to reflect and document your memories. In the future, family and friends will be able to watch and remember these recordings as they are shared and replayed. While the primary purpose may be for future generations rather than the immediate time spent with your loved ones, these recordings hold significant long-term value.
Compile a family history
Your loved one has stories about your family and themselves. They connect to the past, reflect their choices, and offer a glimpse into the future without their experiences. No matter how big or small your family is, these stories should be preserved as part of your heritage.
Write a journal
It’s important to document everything. If your loved one is still able to write, encourage them to record daily events and their emotions. If not, as their primary caregiver, you should take notes on their stories and feelings based on your observations or conversations with them.
Make scrapbooks
This is a simple activity between you and your loved one, family members, and maybe even their friends, that is only limited by your creativity. You can take physical reminders from your loved one’s life and mix them with photographs as another way to memorialize the present and the past, or add it on as an activity that is part of a casual gathering. It can simulate stories about significant events included in the scrapbooks, a tangible reminder for both the present person and for future generations.
2. Access and reinforce past memories
Sensory stimulation can help your loved one access the older, long-term memories that remain for your loved one with Alzheimer’s.Activities such as music therapy, featuring songs from their youth, scent triggers from favorite family recipes, watching old home movies, and using a memory box filled with personal trinkets can all help your loved one reconnect with their past. Additionally, conversation prompts that include leading statements can encourage them to engage in discussions without frustration. Instead of closed questions, open-ended prompts allow them to share their memories based on what they see, touch, smell, taste, hear, or otherwise experience.
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3. Create a memory-supportive environment
To create a memory-supportive environment for you and your loved ones, consider the following strategies:
- Maintain routines through repetition.
- Use organizational tools like large wall calendars to display appointments and regular tasks.
- Keep sentimental objects, such as photographs, visible.
- Engage in simple activities, like easy domestic chores, that provide comfort through their repetitive nature.
These are all helpful tools in decreasing anxiety and increasing feelings of greater security by facilitating the sharing of their memories in a safe space.
4. Adjust communication style
Compassion in connection can make or break a successful interaction with your loved one with early Alzheimer’s. Put yourself in your loved one’s place. “Quizzing” can lead to frustration and hinder successful communication. Instead, sharing personal memories associated with a photograph would be more effective. When communicating with your loved one, use simple, clear language and short sentences. Maintain eye contact to help them better follow along and participate in the conversation. Additionally, resist the urge to correct. Connection, rather than accuracy, is the more important goal. Lastly, but most importantly, stay patient. Let your loved one take their time in responding without feeling rushed or interrupted.
By following these communication tips and developing different conversation prompts, you can help keep memories alive as you care for and connect with your loved one with early Alzheimer’s. Focus on what you still have instead of what your loved one is losing. Appreciate your role in helping connect with your loved ones by linking the memories they do have, which benefits both you and your family now, in the future, and over the long term. Your responsibility is to preserve as much of their memories as you can, both in the short term and for the future. This is a vital part of your loved one’s legacy. Your efforts will play a key role in enriching your family’s heritage.
