A nurse came into the room and provided me with a binder to keep myself organized. She had handouts of all my therapies, she described how the medications worked, the side effects, and how I would manage them. Having this information paid off, and it became my survival guide. She also provided support group information and resources for me regarding nutrition. Additionally, she presented me with ways to organize the billing. When the bills began rolling in, I valued having an organized way to manage them.
One thing I discovered on my own was that there are patient assistance programs, co-pay cards for the medications. Genentech offered co-pay assistance for 2 of my therapies, Perjeta and Herceptin. The other chemotherapy medications I took were Taxotere and Carboplatin did not have co-pay assistance. I also had to get Neulasta injections. Following that first appointment, I had a lot of testing, including a PET scan to look for cancer in other areas in my body, a breast MRI (which I did not like very much as it was uncomfortable), numerous lab test, and surgery to have my port placed.
When I returned to the doctor, I was told I had Stage IIb HER2-positive breast cancer. I was presented with the opportunity to participate in a research trial. I decided to do it as a way to help others who will one day walk this journey. In just 2 weeks after my discovering the lump, I was starting chemotherapy.
Motivation I had to find from within, but inspiration was easy. My son had (and still does) so much fight in him. He came into this world fighting for his life, and he won. Every time I looked at my baby, I knew I had to press my way through it all. I had to do it for him, my husband, my family, and myself. A week after my first round of chemotherapy, I was back to work, going through the motions. I kept my diagnosis a secret from many for a while and tried to pretend everything was normal.
I had some days where I just cried and cried. I did not want people to pity me or make negative comments. One day a dear friend told me it would be easier to share and that more people would say good things than those that would be negative. Another friend who is also a breast cancer survivor said, for every person you tell that is one more prayer going up. These words encouraged me through the journey, and they held true.
Some days I get mad at my body for offending me, yes even now nearly 5 years after my diagnosis. I don’t stay mad. I chose to get a double mastectomy, and I have had full reconstruction. This decision gave me peace of mind. I don’t look the same, but I am alive.
One friend told me that I am a survivor, in fact, he said, “Melisa, you are a survivor instructor!” That boosted my confidence, and I thought yea I can show and tell others how to survive through the diagnosis. One of my co-workers who did not learn of my diagnosis until about 6 months later, said to me “I had no idea you had cancer. I had no idea of what you were going through. I really had no way of knowing. You always smile, you always helped so many people. You have so much grace. If I ever get diagnosed with cancer, I hope I can be as strong and inspiring as you. I would come to you. You showed me that you can live with cancer.”
Her words provided me with a purpose. Throughout the year and half of treatments, I had my down moments. All of the test, appointments, and surgeries felt overwhelming. I was physically, emotionally, and financially exhausted. I just wanted to get through everything and regain my “normal life.” It took about a year for me to accept my new normal. It took that long for me to focus on me getting better and not just surviving.
So today, I am a self-proclaimed “breast cancer survivor instructor.” I help people through breast cancers fear and reality. I provide support to anyone who wants it. I answer questions about the other side of breast cancer, people are afraid to talk about like intimacy and relationship management.
Over the years, my husband kissed and wiped away many tears. He tells me every day that I beautiful. He never wavered in his confidence that we would beat cancer. We did we beat breast cancer. Now I am pursuing a doctorate in nurse practice from a prestigious university. I am doing it for many reasons, but one is because life goes on after cancer.
While when I was first diagnosed, I was stunned I did not let it paralyze me. My support system, my tribe, would not allow me to stop fighting.
My experience taught me to be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, and medical professional. I know what the dark days are like because I lived through them; joy really does come in the morning.