The end of summer marks the beginning of college careers for many students across the nation, and parents couldn’t be more proud. Beyond the flying mortarboards and cheers of glee lie another four years of education that will shape the very fabric of a young adult’s life. While academics will be a main focus, social settings and the allure of dating will set in, and sex will become a topic of discussion. It’s time for parents to have conversations about sex with their young adults before sending them off into the world to explore. Here are a few topics that every parent should cover during the “sex talk” with their children before college, first semester.
1. There is no rush to use it or lose it.
Once from under the watchful eye of the protective parent, children will become excited about trying new things that were once forbidden before, and sometimes the pressure of becoming sexually involved can weigh heavy when in the midst of a population that seems to be sex crazed and far more experienced. The goal in this conversation is to give the power of decision to your child and to let him or her know that the choice to become sexually active or to remain active in college is up to them. Not their peers, not their parents; the decision is completely theirs to own and make. With this type of permission coming from a parental unit, a young adult will feel much more confident in decision making and release the feeling of guilt that is often associated with a loss of virginity or the enjoyment of sex.
2. Avoid sexual activity using alcohol and drugs.
As much as it is unspoken, it is understood that most young adults experiment with drugs and alcohol for the first time in undergrad. It can be a tough talk to have with your children, but this needs to be addressed. Having sex under the influence impairs judgement, and can result in rape in the case of female partners entering into sexual activity incoherently. Encourage your child to remain drug free when making a decision to be sexually active. Their lives and safety depend on it.
3. No means no.
The power of the word NO is monumental, and in the presence of the word NO sex has no value. When the word no is used in the midst of sexual activity, it is the admittance of a lack of desire and the desire to stop. Even before activity occurs the word no identifies a lack of consent. Encourage your children, especially young women, to use the word NO boldly to draw the line of acceptable behavior.
4. Say no to peer pressure.
Sometimes the urge to jump into sexual activity comes when peers put on the pressure, but reassure your child of his or her power to choose and give the age old speech of avoiding the peer pressure. Continuing to give your children the truth about their right to control their sexuality is healthy and encouraging.
5. Always use protection.
Until you’ve seen a person’s recent test results you can’t be sure of their sexual health status. STDs don’t always show symptoms so it is important to stress the importance of using protection during sex to protect against infections and unwanted pregnancy. Give your child a lesson on how to apply condoms correctly (STD transmission and unwanted pregnancy can result from improper application of condoms and the use of the incorrect size). Even go as far as giving your young adult condoms to use while away. A child’s sexual health maintenance first begins with the guidance of positive role models.
6. Take advantage of on campus clinic.
It is extremely important to urge your children to use the assistance of on campus health care in the case of sexual health issues. The emergence of a rash in sexual areas, the contraction of an STI, the possibility of pregnancy, sexual assault and rape are issues that can be handled by trained professionals at college-campus clinics. Encourage your children to entrust the staff on campus with their sexual health needs.
7. Create a buddy system.
Young women especially can benefit from creating buddy systems for moments of overzealous partying that may end up with one being incoherent. Suggest the idea of creating a circle of friends that will attend parties and social functions together to watch after one another and hold each other accountable for healthy behavior. This is a great way to prevent young ladies from being taken advantage of.
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Sometimes parents assume young adults know these basics about sex and sexual health, but these facts aren’t always so apparent. Be the sexual health leader your child needs and give them these rundowns before sending them off to gain a broader education.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi and the all-new “Glamazon Tyomi’s Sex Academy” radio show here.
