My Story: A Cycle Of Abuse That Had To Stop

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January 3, 1984, a beautiful blue-eyed girl came into this world. “The cabbage patch baby” is what they would call her. No imperfections, inside or out…but that would change..

From the outside looking in you would say she had “the life.” Her mother and father were married, they had the hottest Benz – a hazel colored one to match her fathers eyes. She got WHATEVER she wanted, no one could tell her no, she was the baby…

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Old enough to talk, her mother often recalls her telling her father, “I will ALWAYS love my mama,” and though she can’t remember it now, anybody who knows her knows she loves the HELL out of Carolyn Jean.

TAKE A LOOK: The Psychological Effects of Childhood Abuse

Abuse in this house wasn’t a secret. MAC wasn’t out back then, but her mom used a different kind of “makeup” if you will; the kind that doesn’t smear. Her mom called it Jesus.

Recalling one of the many incidents where her father, drunk, pulled out whatever he had in reach to strike her mother with, all she can remember is him raising the knife, and her mom using that same “makeup” she used as strength in front of others, as security in front of the man she married.

“IN THE NAME OF JESUS!,” her mom screamed as her father continued to raise the knife that night after one too many drinks. “JESUS,” this time loud enough for the whole Avondale Dr. to hear in a little city called Durham. He put the knife down…this “Jesus” guy might be a powerful somebody.

The cabbage patch had grown. By now she was a 5th grader. Around the time of the Nicole Simpson murder, they saw gloves and a shotgun in his room. Yeah, he had his own room – her mom slept with her.

She told her mom, “If you don’t leave he gon kill you Mama.” Her mama put that makeup on again, but this time to get the strength to leave. It worked.

A few years later her mother found what she calls “real love,” in the smallest man in the room, but he could fill the room up with joy, a party, and a good time because he was rare.

Compared to her father, this new guy had some big “britches” to fill, but he showed and proved. He showed her mother REAL LOVE, he showed her how a man should treat his wife and he defined the word F-A-T-H-E-R 24/7 365.

You feel where I’m going….

The cabbage patch grew up. She saw the signs but hey, when she loves, just as her mother, SHE LOVES HARD. They say you attract a man like your father (SMH). She married a man who she thought SHE could change, but her britches weren’t big enough to handle his issues and her own.

It should have been enough the day she found out she was having her first daughter and he cut her and told her he would slow-slice her to death.

It should have been enough the week after she got that beautiful ring and was on her way to being Mrs. when he came home drunk and chased her around the apartment complex with a gun and their 2 year old in her hand…but it wasn’t.