Pleasure Or Pain: What Does Her Moan Mean?

African American man with arm around woman laying bed

Some tend to think all moans are good in the sack. But, that’s not necessarily the case. Sex aside, we moan for many different reasons, like stumping your toe on the edge of your bed or eating your favorite food. Moans mean many different things, even in the bedroom. So, we simply can’t assume all moans or copulatory vocalizations are good.

What does her moan mean?

“It could mean a variety of things depending on the circumstances at the time, during the sex play. It could mean that you’re definitely pleasing her or it could mean that she wants you to hurry up and get done doing what you’re doing because she’s tired and she has a lot of things going on. She may want it to be over or she could be faking. It could mean a variety of things depending on the situation and the person,” said Dr. TaMara Griffin, a sex therapist and relationship expert.

READ: Best Sexual Positioning For Women With Back Pain

So, how do you know if she’s thinking about having your baby or what’s she’s having for dinner?

“One way that a person can tell that a woman’s excited is when she’s moving through the human sexual response cycle. She develops what’s called a ‘sex flush’. This means that her skin will turn a deeper red or a deeper purple, depending on her complexion. Usually, the sex flush begins in her face. Eventually, as she moves through the different stages of the sexual response cycle, it will appear all over her body. So, that’s one physical sign,” said Dr. Griffin.

Moans can mean a variety of things. But, the main three reasons a woman may moan during sex is because she’s enjoying it, because she’s hoping for a quick ending (by moaning to excite you), or because she’s in some kind of pain or discomfort. Women are also known to moan to turn themselves on. Yes, all moans are not about you. We like them, too.

READ: Pelvic Pain: The Silent Burden

Some women don’t moan at all which is often perceived as a sign of displeasure. But, that’s not necessarily the case. The expectation of hearing your partner moan is usually learned by watching sex scenes in porn or mainstream media. It’s unlikely that a writer will include a quiet sex scene in a film. But, it does happen in real life and it can happen with the most pleasurable sex experience.

“Just because I’m not moaning doesn’t mean I’m not having pleasure. That’s just not the way that I present myself in a sexual situation,” said Dr. Grifin.

“I think porn does us a disservice. We have to remember that porn is lights, cameras, action and multiple takes. Often times, women are not necessarily enjoying themselves. It’s a job. Their job is to make you think they’re enjoying sex. They may be [enjoying themselves] and they may not be,” explains Dr. Griffin.

She adds, “People who are looking at porn as their model for what sex should look like are selling themselves short. They need to unlearn that and really start to look at the different ways people experience pleasure without that aspect and expectation that porn and mainstream media sets for us.”

READ: 6 Unhealthy Messages Porn Teaches Us About Sex

One move does not fit all

One very naive and somewhat obnoxious mistake many people make is trying old tricks with a new partner. But, every body is different. Your current partner may have a completely different sexual response cycle than the last. So, the “moves” that made your ex’s toes curl might be a turn-off for the next woman.