Having children is a precious gift and a huge responsibility that can add greatly to the lives of a couple. However, once children come into the equation, couples often lose momentum in their sexual relationship. This loss of sexual momentum can oftentimes cause tension and eventually a wedge in the relationship, leading to communication breakdowns and disagreements that ensue all from displaced sexual energy that hasn’t had the opportunity to be released in a healthy way.
It’s especially easy for a couple with a newborn or young children to lose the spark in their sexual relationship, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Life is about balance and as everything around us is balanced so must our relationships be. If you are in this situation of needing to create a healthy balance between caring for children and tending to your sexual relationship, take a look at these tips on how to perfect the balancing act between the two.
Carve out time for intimacy and erotic expression.
Schedules can become crazy when children come into the mix of a couple who is already tied down with work commitments, so it is important to actually carve out time during the week, or on the weekends, to spend time together intimately to experience erotic pleasures and grow a closer bond. Scheduling sexual activity may not sound appealing for those who like to be in the moment of spontaneous sexual arousal, but this is an effective way for a busy couple with children to balance personal/family time and sexual bonding time.
Have a consistent babysitter on file.
After carving out the time to have sex, you will need to have someone on standby to watch the little ones so that you can be worry free while in the moment. Contact a trusted family member or close friend a few days in advance from your date night rendezvous to make sure your babysitting services are secure. This will also be a fun experience for your children, who will be thrilled to have new playmate for the night. Always determine if the date night will be an overnight getaway or something that will run late into the early hours and notify your babysitter of your plans.
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Get away from the house.
It’s not often that couples are able to enjoy peace and quiet in their home when getting into a sensual situation without the possibility of children crashing the party or getting into something that may require attention. Make your erotic hour even more special and carefree by choosing to have sex in an environment outside of the home, preferably at a nice hotel or a specialty hotel that is specifically designed for romantic getaways. Schedule a couple’s massage that can be performed in the room. Choose a room that has a bathtub or Jacuzzi and let the water jets soothe aches and pains while you and your partner enjoy a time away from energized children and their forever flowing needs. Relax your mind knowing that your little ones are in the care of those who are cautious and careful. Scheduling this activity outside of the home will make the experience seem even more exciting and will give you something to look forward to. Think of it as a one day staycation in your town.
Use alternative ways to keep the sexual relationship spicy.
Sometimes having physical sex may not be an option during the week. A babysitter may not be available, holidays may have you tied up in spending quality family time with the kids or work may be too hectic to allow any time in between for play. If this is the case, choosing to use alternative ways to keep sexual desire high is the best option to balance out having a sex life while being a parent. Use Facetime or Skype on lunch breaks to talk about the next sexy encounter you will have, leave each other naughty notes or IOU letters to get the imagination going on what is to come the next time you two are together alone. Use sex toys to stimulate each other during nap time for the kids or take showers together in the morning time for a 2-in-1 combo of getting clean while getting a little dirty.
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Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
