1. You can only transmitted HIV through blood, semen and vaginal secretions.
2. You cannot transmit through saliva, which means we can kiss all day and all night.
3. This also means if a person living with HIV was preforming oral sex, whether male or female they cannot transmit HIV. All you got is saliva around the genitals.
4. While the numbers are fairly low, you CAN transmit HIV if the person receiving the oral sex is HIV positive. For example, if my partner was performing oral sex on me and he had a cut or open sore in his mouth, there is a potential for my vaginal secretions to enter into his cut or sore. Likewise, if I was performing oral sex on a person with HIV, constant droplets of his semen also have the potential to enter the open sore or cut in my mouth, infecting me.
5. Anal sex is the easiest form of HIV transmission because anal sex almost always generates blood. This is even true for male to female. So you must absolutely use a condom durning anal sex.
Today’s advancements around HIV treatment are remarkable and those advancements also have an impact on dating with HIV. Let me break it down:
1. The most remarkable advancement in preventing the transmission of HIV is to get in care and stay in care. Viral suppression is critical. For the longevity of life, but also because an undetectable viral load prevents HIV transmission. If I were dating a person with HIV, I would want to stay up to date on their health including their lab work.
2. Equally remarkable is PrEP. Pre-exposure prophylactics is a once-a-day pill that prevents the transmission of HIV. I have never used PrEP but if I were entering a relationship I would certainly discuss it with my partner as an option.
3. I use condoms 100% of the time. While I want to trust my partner I understand that I have no idea or control of what he does when he is not with me. Remember my boyfriend who was dating me and another woman at the same time? By the way, she said they never used condoms. My bottom line is, I don’t want to give you HIV nor do I want you to give me something else, including another strain of HIV.
4. A latex condom used 100% of the time correctly does prevent the transmission of HIV. Correctly means: check the expiration date; never put an oil-based lubricant on a condom; never use a condom twice; once the sex is over, he should hold the condom, pull out, then flush it down the toilet.
5. I also give my partner the option of female condoms.
6. We should both keep condoms in our own homes to always be prepared.
7. When I’m on my period (that is when I used to get them; menopause is another topic for another day), it will increase the chances of infecting my partner because my vaginal secretions and my blood are present.
At the end of the day, living with HIV should not prevent you from having a dating life and one that includes sex. Likewise, with the advancements in treatment, an HIV negative person can live a full life with someone who is also living with HIV.
Rae Lewis-Thornton is an Emmy Award-winning AIDS Activist. She is the first African-American woman to tell her story of living with AIDS on a national magazine cover story, Essence December 1994. She has been featured on countess other tv shows and magazines. NIghtline, Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, Huffington Post Live, HLN News, O’ Magazine, Woman’s Day, Ebony, Jet, HIV Plus, POZ, Heart and Soul, Glamour and the list goes on and on. For over 20 years, she has traveled worldwide challenging stereotypes and myths around HIV/AIDS. Rae is a blogger and uses social media heavily to educate around HIV. She is the author of two books and is currently completing her memoir, Unprotected. Rae is an ordained minster, jewelry and knit accessory desinger of her namesake line RLT Collection. She has been living with HIV for 34 years and AIDS for 26 years. Follower her on Instagram and Twitter @raelt.