“When worst come to worst, my people come first.” – Dilated People ft. Havoc & Guru, Worst Come to Worst
I have a lot of female friends. I also have a handful of female best friends and few honorary ones as well; so much so it's been skeptically noted by my male friends and a topic of concern with women I’ve dated. We all know the popular narrative: guys and girls can’t truly sustain platonic relationships because it conflicts with the laws of nature. One of the parties will eventually catch feelings and disrupt the “equilibrium” that once was.
I’ve heard it all:
- “So you mean to tell me you’ve never had sexual thoughts about her?”
- “You really want me to believe there’s no physical attraction between you two?”
- “Damn, how many ‘best friends’ do you have?”
- “You sure do have a lot of ‘homegirls’ and ‘sisters’.”
- “I’m cool with you with you having one or two, but the rest have to go.”
- “Bro, there’s no way you’re JUST friends with her.”
- “Be real with me, if you had a chance to smash….would you? Don’t lie to me bro.”
And the answer remains the same….”No.”
I’ve heard every variation of these questions and believe me, I get it. My best friends and female friends tend to be very intelligent, attractive and virtuous women with amazing personalities. Any man would be lucky to have them (except me of course… I wouldn’t wish that on me in my darkest hours).
So, how it is humanly possible I don’t see these women as potential girlfriends, wives or even friends with benefits?
Simple. I’ll break it down for you.
The Personal:
Some things are actually bigger thansex (I know I know, it’s hard to believe). The benefits of our friendships far outweigh the primal or vain reasons to disrupt their natural ebb and flow. Life is about balance and I meet way too many people who lack balance in their friendships, especially an unbalanced number of friends of the opposite sex.
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Having female friends teaches you a lot about yourself and A LOT about women. Experiencing their growth and development from childhood to adulthood, while going through your own maturation, assists your understanding of the psyche and disposition of the contemporary woman: their struggles, insecurities, fears, hopes, dreams and even prayers. With this understanding comes an increased empathy and compassion for women, which again, are visibly prevalent imbalances in our world.
Now, what’s the side effect of this imbalance? A world full of women who lack men they can genuinely, honestly and openly confide in, especially men in their age group. So when you’re in a rare position to fill that role you don’t take for granted how much your perspective can bring resolve, relief, joy, and comfort in the best and worst of times. We all need that beacon when we’re lost at sea, and a ship full of estrogen needs a little testosterone from time to time to keep it from crashing. And that’s exactly what I as their “bro” am there to do: guide my sisters through tough terrains until they finally hit land.
The Professional:
Kanye said it best, “I got people in high places like Jesus’s niece.”
I know a lot of you all suckat math (don’t worry…2+2 still equals 4). Here’s a small mathematical formula that’s easier than you learning your 9x multiplication table without having to use the hand trick (I know I struck a few nerves with that one. You should be ashamed of your whole grown-self lol): Network = Net Worth.
Women earn a higher number of degrees than men in ALL racial/ethnic categories, and you think I’m not going to utilize that?! Stay woke my brotha. I humbly reap the benefits of having knowledgeable and accomplished female friends in various professional realms. See the problem with us fellas (and by “us” I mean some of y’all) is we’re too pressed to chase the proverbial cat (let me guess…“aint nothing but the dawg in meeeee!” right? Shout-out to George Clinton by the way). If you regularly look at women as objects you’ll lustfully approach them as such. When your mentality is to take down everything that’s walking you overlook the qualities and benefits that woman carries.
If you take a step back you’d realize these women could be the vessels or conduits to individuals who could actually propel you closer to your goals and dreams: it could be a hiring manager, a capital investor, a realtor, a lawyer, an influencer or even HER. You never know who someone knows, which is why I no longer judge a book by its cover. Believe me, surrounding yourself with a plethora of ambitious women will quickly put your life in perspective, forcing you to catch up or get left in the dust, and if you’re falling behind they have the network to get you up to speed.
Remember, women are bossing up in today’s world. There’s nothing more fulfilling than seeing a powerful woman clicking on all cylinders and thinking to yourself, “Wow…that’s MY friend running the show...and she’s the plug!” I’m just saying.
The Plain Obvious:
Actually, it’s not so obvious to people forsome odd reason. I’m going to give you another math lesson with hopes you won’t drop this article the same way you dropped Calculus I in college.
There are an estimated 3,757,819,798 women in the world. Dude, 3.7 BILLION and counting! The number is literally growing as we speak. For argument’s sake let’s just say I actually had feelings for one of my best friends (the thought alone just made my face to contort the same way DeAndre Jordan’s did after he cremated Brandon Knight on live television with that hellacious dunk). If I was to reveal my feelings for her and she proceeded to reject me I’d be okay. You know why? Because there are 3.7 billion women in the world...and counting.
I’ve always been a numbers guy to some degree. I never understood why someone couldn’t believe I had no feelings for some of my super attractive female friends. It always came down to simple math. The number of options far exceeded the number of friends I had. Every day you step outside there’s a least a handful of women who silently find you attractive in some form or fashion. You’re more desirable than you think. You’re only as good as your options. Always remember that.
But fellas here’s the REAL secret. I know this is going to be hard to believe but…these females friends of mine….you know, the ones I’ve been talking about this entire article…have a bunch of other friends…THAT ARE FEMALE TOO!!! You can actually meet five, ten, maybe even fifteen other women through each of one of them! Doesn’t a fifteen-for-one deal sound great?! Remember, Network = Net Worth (see how I bring my math lessons full circle).
See, even having these bonds and friendships with women can still fulfill your ulterior motives. All the brunches, get-togethers, club nights, game nights and even watch parties are so much better when you get to frolic on those green pastures of friendships with her equally, and often times, more attractive friends.
Ah, doesn’t befriending a woman for something other than sex seem so much more reasonable now?
Feel free to give me a shout-out at your wedding when you tell the story of how this article convinced you to platonically befriend some random girl who eventually introduced you to your future wife, even though there are 3,757,819,798 women in the world (and still counting) thus making it plainly obvious you’d be married eventually one way or another.
Abdris 
Elba, B.S. in Advertising - University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Ph.D. in Trolling is a SQL/BI developer, aspiring voiceover actor and living proof that the chicken indeed comes before the egg.
