… need to agree that your intention in living apart is to enhance your marriage. Again, if one spouse thinks the separation is a step in the divorce process but the other thinks it’s a temporary “time-out,” this can cause a major rift in the trust between the two. Having the same goal in this exercise is particularly important in making it a successful exercise.
IV. Maintain Regular Communication. Having no contact at all for an extended period of time may actually begin to hurt the marital connection. Instead of an “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” mentality, it may end up being, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
As with anything, some treatments for a broken marriage will not work. That’s why it’s crucial that each spouse be honest with his or herself and honest with each other about why they are doing this exercise. If you don’t intend to stay with your partner, the worst thing you can do is pretend to be interested in working things out.
To be transparent, my wife and I took a brief separation within the first year we got married. Initially, it was devastating and unimaginable. But it was our constant communication during that brief separation that really kept us growing together and ultimately brought us back together (that, along with a lot of prayer too!).
Even though I was successful, my parents were not and ended up getting a divorce after their separation.
Either way, if you decide to separate or not, be clear on the goal–in your mind and in your heart. Don’t just focus on the feelings you are experiencing at that moment, but be clear on what you want out of the relationship and the separation.