Truly committed love the second time around (or the third, or the fourth…no judgment) can be so sweet. You are wiser and able to make better choices, even if they don’t always result in success. You realize you are a work in progress. You have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off after your fair share of breakups. You know what you are seeking in a mate and what you won’t compromise on. You may be set in your ways but are open and responsive to letting love soften any heart of stone that you may have. Thanks to years gone by, you are a winner adept at living with or without serious romantic, intimate, and significant adult relationships. So, how do you chart the unfamiliar territory of a new love journey for two after being out of the game for a while? It starts with truthful communication with yourself.
1. Say what you mean so you can ask and receive it
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, but don’t forget about being honest and upfront about what you need. Likewise, don’t be closed off to surprises that turn out to be blessings. Your perfect love connection may come when you abandon your list of what you think you want, and the universe sends love in a different package from what you expected and gives you what you truly need.
If you are over a certain age and lived experience level, you may no longer tolerate playing games and think you can spot a loser from a distance. However, win or lose, the outcome depends on understanding what is true for you.
Whether you want a serious relationship or a friendship with benefits, honor your desire and say that upfront. Open and honest communication starts at the beginning stages of all relationships. It will be a life-giving tool as the relationship progresses. Both you and the other person will appreciate it. If you are both on the same page and move forward, then you could have the beginning of a beautiful thing.
Maybe you’d created a decent life for one after a divorce, separation, or death of a partner or spouse? Your aura had a default color of gray. You had a routine and maybe even a pet. Then came Ms./Mr. Right when you least expected it. You coupled and as a unit, y’all thrived. Dinner for two. Weekend getaways. Date nights. Romance on the regular. You have a meeting of the minds, more than a pretty face, and with time both of you can see being in it for the long term. So how can you apply your wisdom gleaned from previous relationships to your new, long-term/life partner, “before anyone else” exclusive friend, or significant other? And what gives staying power to a love relationship as one ages?
RELATED: 6 Dating Dos & Don’ts After Divorce
2. Choosing to love the other every day
Once the initial lust(er) of love has worn out, gone are the exciting firsts. You must do the work and help keep the relationship going if you are in it for the long term. Give support but be able to be vulnerable enough to receive it also.
It takes strength to lean into the one who’s becoming your person. It takes strength and courage to be faithful, commit, and choose to do your best every day to give your best to someone else. There are no prizes and maybe even no thank yous. Without doing the work to keep the romance going, more than romance will be gone and its absence will be felt by both sides.
3. Cultivating a friendship foundation
You can’t have sex all the time, but you can explore intimacy with your new love that will build a solid foundation of interdependence and mutual respect. That is the hallmark of good friendship and the anchor for love relationships.
Friendship helps make choosing to love easier. With time fifty-fifty will disappear and, in its place, are