We all have different ways of communicating what we want to express to others, however, connecting with your partner was made easier 30 years ago when author Gary Chapman created the concept of "love languages". The author of the best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, says learning how to communicate in a relationship depends on understanding how each partner receives love and communicating with him/her by catering to their love language.
What is love language?
A love language is a way to express love emotionally and there are five basic love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Each person has a primary love language that one must learn to speak in order to make his/her partner feel loved.
Five love languages test
To determine you and your partner's love language, there is a simple test that can be taken online. To take it click here. This test will give a complete profile of you and your partner's primary and secondary love languages. Once this test is taken and the language has been determined, it's time to move into understanding how to speak these languages to enhance relationship bonding.
Understanding the languages and how to speak them:
1. Words of affirmation
A person whose love language falls into this category needs words of appreciation and gratitude in order to feel loved. Use words of praise when he/she does something that is worthy of appreciation. The word "thank you" goes a long way. When he/she has gotten ready for the day, compliment him/her on how well they look. Any words of positive affirmation that can be used with a person who speaks in this love language will make him/her feel loved.
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2. Acts of service
For people who speak this love language, actions truly speak louder than words. And when it comes to feeling loved, simple acts of service communicate love clearly. Helping out with chores around the house or being involved with your partner's business planning are great ways to show love through acts of service.
3. Receiving gifts
Gift-giving is a universal act that has been perceived as an expression of love throughout history. Something in the mind says that if you love someone, you will want to give to him or her, and for some people receiving gifts is their primary love language. The gifts don't have to be elaborate or expensive to communicate with a person who speaks this love language because it's the gesture that matters most. Something as simple as a handmade card can communicate love to your partner. Always make sure to give gifts during those expected times of gift-giving such as birthdays and holidays to make him/her feel treasured and loved.
4. Quality time
If your partner's love language is quality time, giving him/her your undivided attention is one of the best ways to show your love. This doesn't mean being in the same room with your mate while watching television or reading a book. Quality time means having one on one time listening to and conversing with your partner. Twenty minutes of intimate bonding will refill your partner's love tank and move you closer to understanding him/her on an elevated level of love. Any moment of your sincere and undivided attention will do the trick.
5. Physical touch
A person that speaks this love language needs to be touched physically by their mate in order to feel loved. Simple gestures such as holding hands while walking with each other, placing a hand on his/her leg while driving, kissing, hugging and embracing each other during sex are all great ways to speak the love language of physical touch.
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How love languages benefit relationships
1. Promotes Selflessness
Learning your partner's love language encourages selflessness because it encourages you to learn what your partner wants instead ofsolely being focused on what you want.
2. Creates Empathy
Learning how your partner experiences love will create a sense of empathy for that person by allowing you to step out of yourself for a moment and experience love through your partner's eyes.
Learning your partner's love language can also increase your emotional intelligence as you learn to put someone else's needs above yours and speak in a language that your partner can understand and appreciate.
3. Maintains Intimacy
Learning your partner's love language allows you both to connect on a deeper level, which in turn can create room for more intimacy in the relationship.
4. Aids Personal Growth
Loving someone in a way that may be out of your comfort zone creates a path for personal growth and allows you to get out of the self-absorbed behavior you may unknowingly be used to.
5. Shares Love in Meaningful Ways
Doing things that directly relate to your partner's love language makes you become more intentional about the things you are doing for your partner. By doing this, your partner will feel more content and happy.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Relationships center for more articles.
To order "The Five Love Languages" click here.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
